Caring for aging parents without compromising your mental health

As parents age, their physical and mental health begins to decline, and they may require more help and support to carry out daily activities. It can be an overwhelming and emotional experience to watch them go through this stage of life.

It’s important to remember that you can’t care for your aging parents without also caring for yourself. This article discusses how you can care for your aging parent while maintaining your mental health.

As your parents age, they may require more assistance and care than they once did. Several challenges come with caring for aging parents. Here are some of the most prevalent challenges and how to overcome them:

Did you know?

Caring for aging parents often overlaps with raising kids at the same time. Nearly 3 in 10 family caregivers are part of the “sandwich generation” — simultaneously caring for both children and aging or ill adults.

Balancing caregiving responsibilities and personal life

It’s not uncommon for caregivers to feel guilty or selfish for taking time away from their loved ones, but taking care of yourself is essential to providing the best care possible.

You can begin by prioritizing your time. Make a list of your caregiving responsibilities, and prioritize them in order of importance. Focus on the most critical tasks, be bold, and ask for help with less important tasks.

Creating a schedule can be a helpful habit. Create a program that allows you to dedicate time to your caregiving responsibilities and time for your activities. This could mean hiring another caregiver for a few hours a week to free up time for exercise, hobbies, or friends.

Dealing with emotional and behavioral changes in aging parents

Your aging parents may experience emotional and behavioral changes occasioned by health issues, such as depression, anxiety, and even dementia or Alzheimer’s disease. The first thing you need to do is to recognize that these changes are expected. They result from the aging process and the physical and mental decline that comes with it.

Open communication with your elderly parents is crucial in dealing with these changes. Be open and honest with your parents about their emotions and behavior changes. Let them express their feelings and concerns freely, and offer support and encouragement.

A psychotherapist can also provide much-needed help to assist you and your aging parent in coping with emotional and behavioral changes during difficult times.

Karina Hester, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and provider with Grow Therapy, advises, “You should seek professional help if you notice significant changes in your aging parents‘ emotional or behavioral patterns. A geriatrician or a psychologist can diagnose and treat any underlying mental conditions that may be contributing to these changes.”

How do I know if my parent’s changes are normal aging or something more serious?

It’s not always easy to tell, and that’s exactly why it’s worth bringing in a professional rather than guessing. Some slowing down, forgetfulness, or mood changes can be a typical part of aging, but sudden or significant shifts — confusion, withdrawal, major personality changes — can signal something like depression, anxiety, or early dementia that benefits from evaluation. A geriatrician or psychologist can help distinguish between the two and recommend next steps. Bringing up these concerns with your parent’s primary care provider is a reasonable first move if you’re unsure where to start.

Financial challenges of elder care

Medical bills and rising living costs can cause significant financial strain to both you and your parents. However, there are steps that you can take to help alleviate financial stress.

First, find out what your parent’s balance sheet looks like if appropriate. This will mean finding information about their assets concerning their liabilities and getting a sense of their cash flow.

After you understand your parents’ financial position, decide where and how to help. If you need to chip in financially, ensure you don’t get into trouble by overstretching your limits.

You can solicit help from family members or adult children to avoid financial constraints, or consider state and federal benefits programs. For instance, your parents might be eligible for Medicaid to ease medical bills or Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) to assist with food expenses.

Managing parental resistance to care

Your parents may be reluctant to acknowledge their limitations or unwilling to accept help from you or others, even if necessary for their health and safety. Consider the following to help reduce resistance:

First, understand your parent’s perspective. Try to see the situation from their viewpoint and understand why they may resist care. An open and honest conversation with them can help address their concerns and fears about aging and needing care.

Secondly, you can also offer your parents a variety of options for care, such as home care services, adult day care, or assisted living. Discuss each option’s pros and cons and allow them to make their own decision.

What if my sibling or family isn’t helping with caregiving?

Uneven caregiving responsibilities among siblings are extremely common, and the resentment that builds from it is a real and valid concern — not a personal failing. Rather than assuming other family members don’t care, it often helps to have a direct conversation about specific tasks and realistic availability, since people frequently underestimate what caregiving actually involves until they’re asked to take something on directly. If direct conversations aren’t productive, a family meeting facilitated by a social worker or geriatric care manager can sometimes help distribute responsibilities more fairly.

Caring for aging parents can be overwhelming and exhausting, especially when added to an already packed schedule. You may experience stress, anxiety, and depression. You may also feel guilty for wanting some time for yourself or for feeling resentful towards your parents. So how do you cope with burnout and stress?

Accept help and avoid taking on everything by yourself. You can seek help from family members, friends, or a professional caregiver.

Taking care of your own health can also maintain your mental health while providing care. For instance, you can engage in activities that help you relax and de-stress. This could include meditation, yoga, reading, or listening to music.

Connecting with others also helps. This might mean joining a support group for caregivers or talking to a therapist.

Strategies for maintaining your mental health while caring for aging parents

From worrying about their health to balancing your personal and professional life, caring for aging parents can be an emotional rollercoaster ride. However, there are ways to cope with the stress and maintain your well-being.

Set realistic expectations for caregiving

Caregiving is a demanding job that requires a lot of time, effort, and patience, so it’s important not to overestimate what you can realistically provide; you can help manage expectations by setting realistic expectations for yourself and your loved ones.

Think about your job, your family, your hobbies, and any other commitments you may have. Once you have a clear idea of your current situation, you can start thinking about the level of care your aging parent needs.

Based on this assessment, you can develop a realistic caregiving plan that outlines your responsibilities and expectations for yourself and your loved ones. Explain what you can and cannot provide to your parents, and try to involve other family members or outside resources if needed.

Prioritize self-care and self-compassion

Prioritizing self-care is essential for maintaining mental health and avoiding caregiver burnout. One way to do so is by taking breaks. Even if it’s just a short walk outside or a quick meditation session, taking a few moments to recharge can help you better handle the stresses of caregiving.

It’s also important to practice self-compassion. Caregiving can be emotionally draining, and it’s easy to fall into a pattern of self-criticism and guilt. Remember that it’s okay to make mistakes and that taking care of yourself is not selfish; it’s necessary for being able to care for others.

Is it normal to feel resentment toward the parent I’m caring for?

Yes, and it doesn’t mean you love or care about them any less. Caregiving can involve genuine loss — of time, freedom, and sometimes the relationship you used to have with that parent — and resentment is a common, human response to that kind of ongoing strain. The goal isn’t to eliminate the feeling entirely but to have somewhere to put it, whether that’s a support group, a therapist, or simply naming it honestly to yourself instead of suppressing it, which tends to make burnout worse over time.

Seek support from family, friends, and professionals

Whether it’s a therapist, support group, or a trusted friend or family member, having a safe space to express your feelings and concerns is essential. Talking to someone can alleviate some of the emotional burdens of caregiving.

It’s also helpful to seek help from a therapist or a geriatrician who is experienced in your need. A psychotherapist can teach you the necessary coping skills throughout your caregiving journey.

Practice stress-relief techniques

Finding ways to manage stress is important so you can continue caring for your loved ones effectively without compromising your well-being. Here are a few stress-relief techniques that can help:

Mindfulness Meditation: A few minutes a day of mindfulness meditation can make a big difference in your mental health.
Exercise: Exercise helps you maintain your mental and physical health as well. Even just going for a walk around the block can help clear your mind and boost your mood.
Deep Breathing: When you’re feeling overwhelmed, taking a few deep breaths can help you feel more calm and centered. Additionally, journaling is a helpful tool for processing your thoughts and emotions.
Grounding Exercises: If things feel too stressful or too intense, take a moment to connect with your physical senses and notice the things around you that you can see, hear, smell, taste or feel. This can help to alleviate anxiety and worry.

Maintain a positive attitude and find joy in caregiving

As a caregiver for aging parents, it’s essential to maintain a positive attitude and find joy in the experience. You can find greater fulfillment and happiness by cultivating a positive mindset and focusing on the positive aspects of the caregiving experience.

You can maintain a positive attitude by practicing gratitude. Take time each day to reflect on the things you’re thankful for, whether it’s a kind gesture from a loved one or the fact that you can care for your parents.

You must also focus on the meaningful moments in your caregiving journey that bring you joy and fulfillment. By doing so, you’ll be able to see the positive impact you’re having on your parents’ lives and find greater meaning in your role as a caregiver.

Positive affirmations can also be a helpful tool in improving mood and motivation. Saying something to yourself such as “I am capable of doing this” or “I am a human being and make mistakes, and that is okay” can help to bolster your emotions when things get difficult. Instead of saying these things, you can also write them down on sticky notes and place them somewhere you will see often.

Every year, 53 million individuals assist in daily living activities to support the health and quality of life of aging loved ones. Various resources are available to help and support older adults and their caregivers.

Community resources and support groups

Community resources, such as local senior centers, churches, and nonprofit organizations, can provide access to helpful services such as transportation, meal delivery, and home care assistance. Many of these organizations also offer educational programs and events specifically geared toward care managers.

Caregiver support groups provide a supportive and serene environment where you can express your concerns, feelings, and experiences with others. You can also gain valuable advice and information from other caregivers who have been through an experience similar to yours.

Financial and legal assistance for elder care

You can seek assistance from programs for elder care. These programs may offer financial support, such as low-income subsidies, in-home care services, and assisted living programs. Medicare and Medicaid are also great resources that help eligible seniors financially.

Consider consulting with an elder law attorney who can help you understand your parents’ rights and available legal options. They can also guide long-term care planning, asset protection, Medicaid, and Medicare.

Respite care and adult day program

Respite care and adult day programs offer opportunities for caregivers to take time off while ensuring that their aging parents receive proper care and supervision.

Alzheimer’s Association is an example of an organization that offers respite care for the elderly living with Alzheimer’s disease. The association also provides a range of resources and support services to caregivers of aging parents. They offer information, support groups, education, and respite care.

In-home care services and assisted living options

In-home care services allow you to hire a trained professional to come to your parent’s home and provide care. These services include activities of daily living (ADLs), providing medication reminders, and running errands.

Assisted living facilities offer higher care than in-home services but still allow seniors to maintain some independence. These facilities typically provide meals, housekeeping, transportation services, and access to healthcare professionals.

Medicare and Medicaid benefits for elder care

Medical costs account for approximately 17% of caregiver expenditure, according to the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP). Much is spent on payments to healthcare providers, hospitals, and therapists. So, how can you reduce these costs?

Medicare and Medicaid offer the solution you need. Medicare is a federally-funded program that provides health insurance to people over the age of 65 and people with specific disabilities. The program covers many medical services and procedures, including doctor visits, hospital stays, prescription drugs, and more.

Medicaid is a state and federally-funded program that offers healthcare coverage to low-income individuals and families. The program covers many of the same medical services as Medicare and long-term care expenses such as nursing home care.

Being a caregiver for aging parents can be a rewarding yet challenging experience. However, prioritizing your mental health while still caring for your loved ones is essential in making your work easy and enjoyable. By practicing stress-relief techniques, maintaining a positive attitude, and seeking support from community resources and support groups, you can ensure that your caregiving experience is fulfilling for you and your parents.

For added professional support, Grow Therapy makes finding a therapist easy. Through our search tool, you can find a therapist in your local area who accepts your insurance and specializes in helping you navigate the mental health complexities of caregiving.

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Frequently asked questions

Is it normal to feel overwhelmed caring for an aging parent?

Yes. Caregiving is emotionally and physically demanding, and feelings of stress, guilt, or exhaustion are extremely common — they don’t mean you’re failing at it.

Can therapy actually help with caregiver burnout?

Yes. A therapist can help you process the emotional weight of caregiving, build coping strategies, and work through complicated feelings like guilt or resentment that are hard to bring up elsewhere.

What financial help is available for elder care?

Programs like Medicare, Medicaid, and state-level subsidies can help offset costs, and an elder law attorney can help you understand your parent’s options for long-term care planning.

Do I have to handle caregiving entirely on my own?

No. Support groups, respite care, adult day programs, and other family members can all share the load — accepting help is a key part of sustainable caregiving, not a shortcut.

How can I find a therapist who understands caregiver stress?

Grow Therapy’s provider search lets you filter by state, insurance, and specialty, making it easier to find a therapist experienced in supporting caregivers specifically.

About Sean Abraham

Sean Abraham is a licensed clinical social worker who works with those who have struggled with substance use, depression, anxiety, loss, communication problems, student life, as well as other mental health concerns.

Article Sources

• The American Association of Retired Persons. (2021) Care giving Out-of-Pocket Costs Study.

• National Archives: The Daily Journal of the United States Government. (2022). 2022 National Strategy To Support Family Caregivers Available for Public Comments.