Breakups are tough, no matter how long you were together or how it ended. The aftermath of a romantic relationship can leave you feeling lost, heartbroken, and wondering when or if you’ll ever feel like yourself again. Most people ask themselves, “How long will it take to get over this breakup?”
Several factors can influence how long it takes to heal and move on from a breakup. These factors can include the length and intensity of the relationship and the support available from family and friends. While there’s no one-size-fits-all answer, there are steps you can take toward healing and moving forward with confidence.
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Recovering from a broken heart
When you break up with someone who means a lot to you, it can be emotionally and physically painful. This pain is often called “heartbreak,” and it is real. It can make you feel uncomfortable, and you may experience intense emotions. Heartbreak can cause both physical and emotional pain, including:
Chest pain or tightness
A lump in your throat
Stomach discomfort or nausea
Feelings of sadness, anxiety, or depression
This happens because the part of your brain that deals with stress is affected. When you’re under stress, your brain tells your body to release chemicals that can make your body feel very uncomfortable. Heartbreak can also make you feel sad, anxious, or depressed.
Recovering from a broken heart is a challenging and emotional journey. The time it takes to move on after losing a romantic partner can vary greatly from person to person. While some people may feel better in just a few days or weeks, for others, it may take several weeks, or even months to recover.
Many different things can influence the healing process after a breakup. The length of the relationship, why the breakup happened, and how emotionally invested you were are some of the factors that can impact your healing process. How you deal with tough situations, your personality, and the people who support you can also play a role in how long it will take for you to recover.
When a relationship ends, it can be tough to deal with the intense emotions that come with it. At first, it might feel like everything reminds you of your ex-partner, and it can be hard to find joy in anything.
As time goes on, the strong emotions may not be as constant, but it’s normal to still feel sad or angry. Let yourself feel these emotions instead of ignoring them or trying to move on too quickly. This can help you heal faster in the long run.
One way to heal and grow after a breakup is to think about what you learned from the relationship. You can look for patterns and consider what you can do to improve yourself. This can help you move on and focus on a better future.
How long does it take to get over a bad breakup?
Breaking up can be really hard on your emotions, and it affects different people in different ways. You may wonder how long it will take to feel better and move on after a breakup. While it’s different for everyone, research has given us some clues about the process.
Research from the journal of family psychology
According to the Journal of Family Psychology, research shows that 36.5% of unmarried adults aged 18 to 35 have gone through at least one breakup within the past 20 months.
Did you know?
Research published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that 36.5% of unmarried adults aged 18–35 experienced at least one breakup in a 20-month period. Separately, studies on grief and loss suggest the brain processes romantic rejection in the same regions associated with physical pain — which is part of why heartbreak can feel so physically real. [Source]
There are several possible reasons why this age group is susceptible to breakups. One factor could be the pressure to find a suitable partner and settle down, especially as society’s expectations around relationships and marriage have shifted over time.
With dating apps and social media making it easier to meet new people, there is a wide range of options for young adults to explore. Yet, this can also lead to a sense of overwhelm and indecision, resulting in more breakups.
“It’s important to be kind to yourself. Get into therapy so you have a nonjudgmental space to work through it. Take your PTO and take care of yourself. Ask yourself daily what you are needing – a day at home watching movies? A day trip somewhere that brings you joy? Make sure you’re taking care of your physical and emotional needs.”
Mindy Hall Czech, LPC
Also, many people in this age group are still figuring out their identities and priorities. They may be exploring different career paths, hobbies, and interests, making it challenging to maintain a long-term relationship. Additionally, young adults may have different relationship expectations and goals, leading to conflicts and breakups.
Breakups can have a huge impact on a person’s mental health and well-being. They can lead to feelings of sadness, loneliness, and rejection, which can be challenging to overcome. But it’s important to recognize that breakups are a normal part of dating and relationships. They can provide opportunities for personal growth and self-discovery, eventually leading to finding a more compatible and loving partner.
How to get over a breakup in a shorter amount of time
There are several steps that you can take to help you get through a breakup. Here are some tips to help you through the healing process:
Cut off contact
Cutting off contact with your ex is important to help you heal from a breakup, but it can be difficult if you work or go to school together.
Establish boundaries and limit interactions, keep conversations focused on work or school-related topics, and avoid discussing personal matters or engaging in gossip about your relationship. Try to avoid being alone with your ex if possible.
Is it normal to still miss my ex even when I know the relationship was bad?
Is it normal to still miss my ex even when I know the relationship was bad?
Yes — and it’s more common than most people expect. Missing someone isn’t the same as wanting them back. The brain forms strong associative memories around relationships, particularly around comfort, routine, and attachment. When those disappear, the absence itself becomes painful regardless of how the relationship was.
What you’re grieving isn’t always the person as they actually were — it’s often the routine, the feeling of being known, or the future you imagined. If the feeling persists or is interfering with daily life, that’s a reasonable point to talk to a therapist about grief and life transitions.
Keep busy
Focusing on activities that bring you joy can help shift your focus away from the breakup and towards positive experiences. Keeping busy can mean something other than overworking yourself or filling your schedule with obligations.
It’s important to strike a balance between staying occupied and taking time to rest and relax. Take care of yourself by scheduling activities like meditation, reading, or taking a bath. You can also explore hobbies like sports, painting, or volunteering to meet new people and build self-confidence.
It’s good to distract yourself from a painful break up to avoid getting too obsessed with the hurt. However, if done to an extreme, it can keep you from feeling the loss. People that are avoidant in nature will try their best to distract themselves to the point that they can go without processing their emotions, while individuals that are more “clingy” or anxious may ruminate too much over their loss.
Practice self-care
Self-care is a very important part of getting over a breakup. You can do this by prioritizing your health to help you overcome the challenges of a breakup. Getting enough sleep is crucial for both physical and mental health.
Eating well and taking part in regular physical activity can help reduce stress and boost your mood. Looking for activities that make you feel good, such as taking a relaxing bath or getting a massage, can also help you feel more relaxed and refreshed.
Don’t wallow in negative self-talk
It is easy to fall into the trap of negative self-talk at the end of a relationship. You may blame yourself for the breakup or feel like you are not good enough. Try to avoid negative self-talk and focus on positive affirmations.
Set goals
After a breakup, it can be easy to lose motivation and feel like you’re just going through the motions of life. Setting goals can help give you a sense of direction and something to work towards. These goals can be big or small, depending on what feels right for you.
For example, you might decide to take a daily walk around your neighborhood to clear your mind and get some exercise. Or, you might choose to sign up for a course or class that will challenge you and help you learn something new.
Take up new hobbies
Taking up new hobbies can help you meet new people and explore new interests. This can be a great way to distract yourself from the pain of the breakup and give yourself something to look forward to.
Reflect on the relationship
Take some time to reflect on your relationship and what went wrong. This can help you identify patterns or behaviors that you want to avoid in your future relationships.
Forgive
Forgiveness means letting go of anger, hurt, or resentment towards your ex-partner. Forgiveness can help you feel lighter and happier, and it can also improve your relationships with others. When you forgive your ex, you are not saying that what they did was OK, but rather that you are willing to move on from the situation and not hold a grudge.
Let go
Letting go of a relationship can be extremely difficult, but it is an important step in moving on with your life. This involves accepting that the relationship is over and that it is time to focus on your happiness.
This can be a painful realization, but it’s necessary. You may find yourself wanting to hold on to memories or hopes of getting back together, but it’s important to acknowledge that those things are in the past.
Seek support
Finally, seeking support from a therapist, and from friends and family during this time is important. They can offer you a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, or just a distraction from the emotional and physical pain of the breakup.
Mindy Hall Czech, a licensed professional counselor with Grow Therapy, says, “It’s important to be kind to yourself. Get into therapy so you have a nonjudgmental space to work through it. Take your PTO and take care of yourself. Ask yourself daily what you are needing–a day at home watching movies? A day trip somewhere that brings you joy? Make sure you’re taking care of your physical and emotional needs.”
Getting over a breakup can be a long and painful process. Still, if you remember to care for yourself, stay positive, and seek support when needed, you will get through it.
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What to consider throughout the healing process
There is no fixed timeline for getting over a breakup. Still, moving on as soon as possible is generally considered important.
Moving on from a breakup is important because:
Dwelling on the past can prevent you from enjoying the present and future. This can make you feel depressed, anxious, and hopeless, and it can impact your ability to function in other areas of your life, such as work or relationships with friends and family.
Emotional turmoil can lead to impulsive decisions, like rebounding too quickly. When you are still caught up in the emotional turmoil of a breakup, you may be more likely to make decisions based on temporary feelings rather than logic and reason.
Holding onto negative emotions can hinder personal growth and goal-setting. When you are ready to let go of the past and embrace the present, you are more likely to focus on your personal goals and aspirations, and less likely to be weighed down by regrets or negative emotions.
There’s no right timeline for healing — but you don’t have to figure it out alone.
A therapist who specializes in grief and life transitions can help you move through this at your own pace.
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Frequently asked questions
Is it normal to feel depressed after a breakup?
Is it normal to feel depressed after a breakup?
Yes. Breakups can trigger genuine depressive symptoms — low mood, loss of motivation, disrupted sleep, and difficulty finding pleasure in things you normally enjoy. This is a normal grief response, not necessarily clinical depression. If those feelings last more than a few weeks or are significantly affecting your ability to function, it’s worth speaking to a therapist who can help you assess what’s going on and support your recovery.
How do you know when you're over a breakup?
How do you know when you're over a breakup?
There’s no single signal, but common signs include thinking about your ex without the same emotional charge, feeling genuinely curious or hopeful about the future, and being able to enjoy your daily life without the breakup dominating your thoughts. Healing rarely happens in a straight line — having a hard day doesn’t mean you’ve gone backward.
Does therapy actually help with breakups?
Does therapy actually help with breakups?
Yes. Therapy offers a structured space to process grief, identify patterns, and work through the emotions that can get stuck when you try to heal alone. Therapists who specialize in grief and life transitions are particularly well-suited to breakup recovery — they can help you move through it at your own pace without rushing toward “being over it.”
When does a breakup become complicated grief?
When does a breakup become complicated grief?
If you’re still significantly struggling — unable to function at work, withdrawing from friends, or feeling hopeless — six months or more after a breakup, that may be worth exploring with a mental health professional. Complicated grief isn’t a sign of weakness; it often reflects the depth of the attachment or unresolved trauma connected to the relationship.
About Greg Lozano
Greg Lozano is a licensed professional counselor specializing in peer relationships, couples counseling, and grief.
