Neglect and abuse cases are continuously increasing, raising concern about the reason for the trend. The National Institute of Health reports that one in four children in the U.S. experiences neglect or maltreatment in their lifetime.
If not attended to, abuse and neglect can make an individual feel abandoned, leaving them with lasting trauma. In addition, it can impede a person’s emotional development and make it hard to establish stable relationships. This article discusses abandonment trauma and its signs and symptoms. It will also cover the causes and effects of abandonment trauma and how to manage it effectively.
What Is Abandonment Trauma?
“Abandonment trauma occurs as a behavioral or emotional response to severe harm or neglect in the form of abandonment,” says Joseph Melendez, a licensed clinical social worker at Grow Therapy. “It can occur at any stage, and feeling emotionally or physically neglected can be deeply hurtful. While it may develop after one emotional or physical abandonment event, it can also happen due to unintentional and perceived abandonment.”
Abandonment trauma occurs as a behavioral or emotional response to severe harm or neglect in the form of abandonment.
- Joseph Melendez, LCSW
Abandonment trauma often varies from person to person. However, it usually includes fear of being left behind, hurt, emotionally neglected, or abandoned. Additionally, the fear of abandonment may result from early childhood trauma or an anxious attachment style. Further, it may develop due to mental health conditions such as borderline personality disorder (BPD).
Stages of Abandonment Trauma
Development of abandonment trauma follows the following five stages:
1. Shattering
You may feel confused, devastated, shocked, and in pain. If you parted ways with your loved one, you may still feel attached to them, as if you can’t survive alone. You may sometimes experience sorrow and despair, while you get a spark of hope at other times.
2. Withdrawal
Whether your loved one was good or bad, you still struggle with withdrawal symptoms. Here, you start thinking of the needs they were meeting alongside the pain of being torn apart. You ache and yearn, waiting for your partner to return.
3. Internalizing
Here, you turn your anger of being rejected and abandoned to yourself. You start self-blaming and experiencing low self-esteem. You are also riddled with insecurities, self-doubt, regrets, and indictment.
4. Rage
At this stage, you begin to think of fighting back; you want to get back on track. You don’t accept all the blame for your traumatic events and feel surges of rage against your abuser. Additionally, you may feel anger toward innocent people, such as those who fail to understand your situation.
5. Lifting
Your anger allows you to externalize your grief. As a result, your energy spurts outwards and gradually brings you back to life. You start feeling confident and at peace, creating meaning from your abandonment. Further, you easily connect to all your feelings, including painful, vulnerable feelings, and you can forgive and love again.
You’ll repeatedly go through these stages from time to time. Fortunately, you emerge as a changed person, feeling better and able to start a healthy relationship.
Types of Abandonment Issues
People may suffer from various types of abandonment issues, including the following:
- Blanket Abandonment: Occurs when a parent or caregiver doesn’t make themselves emotionally or physically available to their children, making them feel abandoned.
- Physical Abandonment: A child may feel abandoned when left with someone unfamiliar without being told what is happening.
- Emotional Abandonment: This may occur if you show someone they are less important than others. As a result, the individual may feel angry or jealous towards others and insecure about their place in life.
- Empty Nest Syndrome: This may occur when your children suddenly move to their own place and leave you alone. You may feel lonely and empty if you haven’t prepared for a change.
Abandonment issues may also manifest in various attachment styles. These include the following:
- Disorganized Attachment Style. Individuals who follow this style are inconsistent and have challenges remaining close and intimate. They are anxious about relationships and always try to avoid closeness.
- Anxious Attachment Style. Those with this attachment style may develop dependent and intensely close relationships with others. They may feel anxious about separating from loved ones and be emotionally reactive. Additionally, they may view conflict as a concern that their relationships may end, making them act out of fear.
- Avoidant Attachment style. People with this attachment style often prevent others from getting closer to them. They have problems trusting others, making them appear private, withdrawn, or distant.
Causes of Abandonment Trauma
Abandonment trauma may develop after a single or continuous distressing event that causes an individual to feel unsafe, isolated, or neglected. Intense emotional distress can affect a person’s overall health and daily life. The following events may lead to the development of abandonment trauma:
Unsatisfied Emotional Needs
Every person needs to feel safe and supported, and have their needs met. However, if they feel unseen, unheard, or unappreciated, they may develop insecure attachment styles and fear of abandonment.
Additionally, if parents fail to meet a child’s basic needs, it can affect their early childhood development, leading to long-lasting impacts.
Stressful and Traumatic Experiences
Childhood trauma can create an attachment style and make a child afraid of abandonment. However, traumatic and stressful experiences endured later in life may significantly increase abandonment fears.
Separation and Divorce
Problems with adult relationships may lead to abandonment trauma. For instance, marital discord, conflicts, or infidelity can cause anxiety.
Death or Illness
The loss related to the death of a loved one, mainly if it’s unexpected and sudden, may trigger stress, anxiety, and abandonment trauma. Additionally, severe illness to a guardian or caregiver may trigger these fears even if they eventually survive. While these experiences are distressing, they can be specifically challenging for children.
Family Instabilities
Dysfunctional family relationships may interfere with a child’s development and sense of safety. For instance, food, housing, and financial problems may make children feel like they will be abandoned at any time.
Signs and Symptoms of Abandonment Trauma
While abandonment trauma can manifest in people differently, some specific patterns may indicate the condition. A victim of abandonment trauma may portray various signs and symptoms, including the following:
- Codependency
- Problems trusting others
- Challenges regulating distress and emotions
- Panic, mainly due to the potential loss of significant people
Additionally, separation anxiety is a common sign of abandonment trauma. While it’s common for children to experience separation anxiety, the feelings can sometimes become debilitating and transition into adulthood. Constantly being alone may lead to intense distress, and the fear of being left behind can epitomize significant anxiety.
People with abandonment trauma may also have problems establishing healthy relationships. For instance, neglecting children may create an insecure attachment style that makes it hard for them to develop healthy relationships with others, even in adult life. Abandonment issues may make a person avoid others or behave in a way that alienates those close to them.
Depression and anxiety are also common signs of abandonment. Traumatic stress — resulting from abandonment issues — often leads to intense experiences of depression and anxiety. For those with abandonment trauma, depression can sometimes be severe, leading to nightmares and anxiety. Additionally, the depression and anxiety from previous abandonment may be overwhelming, leading to long-term effects on a person’s life.
Finally, reduced performance and productivity may signify abandonment trauma. Victims of abandonment trauma usually have problems controlling their emotions and relating with others. These symptoms can affect their work or school performance, leading to poor productivity.
Effects of Abandonment Trauma
Abandonment trauma can have significant effects on your relationships and mental health. Additionally, the period at which this trauma occurs may influence the intensity of the impact.
Abandonment trauma may have long-term effects on people, and they may struggle with:
- Anger
- Low self-esteem
- Lack of intimacy
- Depression
- Panic disorders
In addition, while the effects of abandonment trauma depend on the cause, typically a victim may:
- Have poor communication skills. Those with abandonment issues may experience harmful communication styles to lessen their anxiety. For instance, they struggle to get attention from those they think they might lose.
- Have intense anxiety. Children and adults with abandonment fears may suffer from chronic anxiety, especially if they think their relationship with friends or family is about to end.
- Engage in harmful behavior. People with abandonment trauma may try to prevent their partners from leaving them through manipulation or other forms of abuse. For instance, they may prevent their partners from socializing with others.
- Struggle to establish and maintain a healthy relationship. Abandonment anxiety can change a person’s view of their relationship, making them see issues where they don’t exist. In addition, they may find it difficult to trust their partners or be sensitive to any sign of rejection. As a result, they may develop clinginess, affecting the relationship.
Additionally, people with a fear of abandonment may have trouble forgiving. They often see the slightest relationship issue as deliberate and a threat to the relationship. They also think that their partners don’t care about them. Thus, they don’t contemplate forgiving or think people usually make mistakes.
Dealing With Abandonment Trauma
Acknowledging and accepting your feelings is an essential step towards managing abandonment issues. In addition, being honest about your emotions, thoughts, and fears can help you learn to change them. Coping mechanisms can also help lessen the impact of these feelings on your daily life.
Lifestyle Adjustments
Simple, positive lifestyle adjustments can foster your mental health and give you the strength to heal from abandonment trauma.
A healthy diet, exercise, and enough sleep can boost your mood and your body’s capacity to deal with stress related to abandonment issues. Further, changing or ending unhealthy relationships can help alienate the problem.
Self-Care
People with abandonment trauma often struggle with low self-worth and may feel they don’t matter. Self-care enhances your mental and physical health and boosts your sense of self. For instance, mindfulness, positive self-talk, and affirmations can help you positively view yourself.
When you understand what you deserve, letting go of the fear of being neglected and abandoned is easy.
Self-Validation
Victims of abandonment trauma rely heavily on external validation to feel wanted and confident. However, this may significantly wreck your self-esteem. So, claim your authority to determine your self-worth; anchor yourself instead of relying on others.
Self-validation helps you understand who you are and your worth instead of defining yourself based on what others say.
Self-Confrontation
Healing from abandonment fears requires you to self-confront. Admit when you are wrong and take responsibility if your actions hurt others.
Authenticity
Fear of abandonment may affect the development of your individuality as you try to fit the desires of those around you. As a result, you may stick to false identities, and your sense of self deteriorates. So, understand your self-worth, hold onto your sense of self, and bravely define your identity.
Therapy
Abandonment trauma can leave you with long-lasting side-effects. While you may be confident to deal with abandonment trauma alone, seeking help from a mental health professional is essential.
Through therapy, you will identify the causes of your trauma and how you can best deal with distress and anxiety. In addition, a therapist will help you develop effective strategies for setting expectations, establishing healthy boundaries, and communicating with others.
Also, your clinician will help you work through stressful events that might have led to feelings of abandonment.
Connect With a Therapist Today
As cases of abuse and neglect continue to rise worldwide, victims can develop feelings of abandonment, leaving them with long-term effects. However, understanding the signs and symptoms, causes, and consequences of abandonment trauma can help one manage it effectively.
In addition, knowing how to cope with this condition can help lessen the severe impacts on your daily life. While you may feel confident to tackle your feelings, seeking help from a professional therapist is essential. They can help you work through experiences that led to abandonment feelings and develop effective coping strategies.
Grow Therapy is home to professional therapists who can help you overcome your problems. Use our search tool to connect with suitable providers today.
