Licensed to practice in 3 states and accepts 11 insurances. Specializes in ADHD, Attachment Issues, Autism and 10 more.
(he/him)
New to Grow
I've always wanted to have those deeper conversations, about what matters most to people. Personal talks are the most important talks we ever have. And most people don't spend that much time talking it through with anyone. This might be the best use of an hour you've got. We'll see what we can come up with.
I try to help people be honest with themselves. Not prideful, not shameful, just finding out the truth about themselves. But that truth has got to be bearable; only then can you decide what to do about it. That's all true for couples, too.
I know how to see through other people's perspectives. I tend to relate to most people on most things, but when I don't, I can usually still see where they're coming from. This can help if you've got a partner, a parent, or a kid who make zero sense to you. If we figure them out, we can figure out what might work best with them.
I've worked with some incredibly caring people. What starts out as compassion can turn into insecurity, fear of upsetting people, fear of asking for too much - fear of not being good enough to keep. On some level, you just want to know what's fair. Fair to ask for, and fair to give. I've worked with over 1000 people, and hundreds of couples. So I don't just want to tell you you're right, or that it's all your fault & your job to fix it. I want to find what's best for both people. All these are optional, but - if you think you might be Autistic or ADHD, wrestling with boundaries or attachment issues, or feel pulled so many directions at once, then we may have something to talk about.
I've also heard this called Parts Work. If you find that, in some situations, another part of you takes over, it may be a part of you that feels like it has to step in & rescue you. Anxiety can feel like they're making sure you protect yourself from making mistakes, or Anger to protect you from getting mistreated. But we can talk through being more aware of that. It'd be good if it turns out that you're not in danger, and that sometimes you actually know how to take care of yourself without them.
I grew up in a home with roommates from everywhere from Brazil to Saudi Arabia to Japan. The culture you were raised in has a lot to do with who you are. But I get if you're conflicted about that. You might be living with, or married to, someone who expects some really different things in a relationship. A lot of the time, it's things we take for granted, the unspoken expectations, that get people into the worst conflicts. But it's easier to work with that when you're conscious of it.
Whatever you've been through, some part of you may be fighting hard to protect you from anything like it happening ever again. It's just, fear of consequences can be a very painful motivator. I've worked with veteran and domestic violence victims, diagnosed PTSD or not. But I know a lot of people I've worked with have been relieved to feel safe again.
Couples Therapy, and couples in general, feel their worst when the relationship feels like a court case. Fighting to prove someone guilty, or to make sure they have consequences for how they made their partner feel. EFT tries to understand what the conflict means to each person - not to identify the bad guy & punish them, but to help each person feel understood. It helps them feel heard for why they're upset, & for why they said what they did. The solution comes easier after that.