I’m Dr. William C. Shearer (Dr. Bill), a California licensed psychologist since 1977. I am the co-author of Mindful Choices for Well-Being, Being the Right Partner, The Couple’s Paradox, and Repair, Getting Your Relationship Back on Track (Pending publication). In my clinical work, I have three specializations. First, I deal with troubled relationships. Over 75% of my work is couples counseling. I have over four decades of experience, and I have been trained and certified in several couples therapy modalities. My wife Robin, also a therapist, and I have developed an integrative model of couples therapy we call Mindful Choices Couples Therapy. For a second specialization, I have also worked for 30-plus years in the treatment of addictive and compulsive behaviors (alcohol dependence, drug abuse, gambling, etc.), and eating disorders such as Anorexia Nervosa, and Bulimia. Finally, I specialize in treating stress and anxiety disorders such as panic disorder.

What can clients expect to take away from sessions with you?

In your first session together, we will start with brief introductions, then dive into the specific challenges you're facing. This will help me create a tailored plan for us to work through in follow-up sessions.

Explain to clients what areas you feel are your biggest strengths.

My experience and training is unsurpassed, along with my dedication and commitment to your growth. I am passionate about the work I do, and I care deeply about each client's growth and well-being

Describe the client(s) you are best positioned to serve.

I’m passionate about helping couples thrive together as a high functioning team, rather than struggling as two separate individuals struggling to get what they need from their relationship, and feeling frustrated, discouraged, and often not understood. I see each couple as a system. My client is the relationship, “the space between.” And I look for patterns in the relationship. My job is to help the two of you fully understand recurring patterns and to work together to build a great relationship. Within that relationship, each of you needs to be coached on self-awareness and self-management (emotional self-regulation), with a focus on bringing the best version of you to the relationship. When couples reach out to me, I often assume they are feeling frustrated and unhappy with their relationship situation, but I'm also betting they love each other. Usually, love is not the problem. The essence of a great relationship is both parties getting good at being self-aware and self-managing/self-regulation. It begins by waking up to the reality that two self-protecting individuals don’t make a great couple. It’s waking up to the reality that if you’re not part of the solution, you may be part of the problem. No one's perfect and we all make mistakes, and we all hurt/offend/frustrate/confuse/anger our partners. Also, we all get hung up on debating the facts, and that never helps either of you get what you really need. Then there is avoidance, which usually makes things much worse. Conflict is inevitable, but conflict can be an opportunity to grow your relationship. The best you can do is learn how to consistently calm down, slow down, relax, give up control, give up having to be right, give up having to win, give up having to avoid - and most of all give up having to defend. Instead, put your own stuff on the back burner for a while and tune into your partner with the full commitment to totally understand them at a deeper level, understanding their deeper emotions and their unmet needs. Hopefully, you will communicate this understanding with empathy, compassion, and validation. Think of me as your relationship coach. My mission is to help you be in the 30% and all I need from you is to work at being more self-aware and better at self-regulation/self-management. All we need is for each of you to be motivated and coachable.

About William Shearer

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