Breakups often leave us grappling with an overwhelming mix of emotions regardless of the romantic relationship’s duration or intensity. Defined as the termination of an intimate relationship by any means other than death, breakups can represent more than just the end of a love story.
For many, a breakup signifies a crushing blow to aspirations, dreams, and intertwined futures. With these sudden shifts in our lives comes an undeniable impact on our mental well-being. However, there is a silver lining to be uncovered.
Although the aftermath of a breakup is deeply challenging, it can be a unique period of personal growth, transformation, and self-discovery. Whether you’ve recently undergone a breakup or are supporting someone through theirs, this comprehensive guide is a beacon, illuminating the path from loss to self-love. Let’s embark on this transformative journey together, turning pain into power and heartbreak into healing.
Understanding Heartbreak and the 5 Stages of a Breakup
Going through a breakup is like grieving a loss. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, a Swiss-American psychiatrist, famously described the five stages of grief as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Below are how the stages of grief apply to processing a breakup.
- Denial: During the first stage of a breakup, you may feel shocked and struggle to accept reality. Your brain finds it hard to process what has happened, and you may feel disbelief that the relationship has ended.
- Anger: You may feel anger or frustration towards your ex-partner. It may manifest differently, from lashing out at others to sharing your emotions with a trusted friend.
- Bargaining: You may try to negotiate with your ex-partner to salvage the relationship.
- Depression: You may experience sadness and prolonged mourning over the end of the relationship. Your pain is a natural response to losing something important to you.
- Acceptance: In the final stage, you come to terms with the end of the relationship and begin to move forward. This is a challenging but crucial step in the healing process.
According to Kübler-Ross, the five stages may not follow a linear timeline, and not everyone experiences all of them or in a specific order. You will heal and become whole again, but never be the same. And that’s OK; it’s natural and understandable.
7 Ways to Heal After a Breakup
These seven strategies can help you navigate through the labyrinth of heartbreak. They can help you identify where you stand in your healing process and equip you with tools to restore your broken heart to health.
1. Accept Your Emotions and Feelings
The end of a relationship is an emotional rollercoaster. These intense feelings can be overwhelming but are normal for healing. Accepting and acknowledging emotions is the first step to recovery after a breakup. It’s OK to feel upset. Research shows that embracing negative emotions improves psychological well-being compared to suppressing or avoiding them.
Research shows that embracing negative emotions improves psychological well-being compared to suppressing or avoiding them.
Developing coping mechanisms is a healthy way to navigate your emotions. Below are some great ways to understand and manage emotions:
- Journaling your emotions and thoughts
- Sharing your feelings with friends and other loved ones
- Watching sad shows or movies and having a good cry
- Seeking therapy
Remember, accepting emotions doesn’t mean getting stuck or wallowing in misery. It begins healing.
2. Cut Off All Contact With Your Ex-Partner
Your ex was a big part of your life, and cutting off contact may feel tough. But it’s a crucial step towards healing and moving on. Staying in touch can prolong the process and make it even harder to let go. Studies have shown that those who have cut off contact with their ex tend to recover faster and find happiness in the future.
Studies have shown that those who have cut off contact with their ex tend to recover faster and find happiness in the future.
Ruminating about the past can also lead to confusion, hurt feelings, and false hope for reconciliation. Consider deleting their contact information from your phone and social media accounts, blocking their number, and letting go of any physical reminders like gifts and letters.
3. Pamper Yourself With Self-Care
Spending time on self-care isn’t an indulgence but a necessity for healing a broken heart. Any significant changes in your life may bring chronic stress. Even for healthy individuals, the stress may bring about depression, which causes a lowering of cognitive functioning and temporarily worsening memory formation. Here are a few tips to help you prioritize self-care during this difficult time:
Exercise
Exercise is an excellent way to take care of yourself during and after a breakup. It triggers the release of norepinephrine, dopamine, and serotonin and decreases cortisol levels. As a result, it alleviates sadness and anxiety while giving you a boost of energy for the day ahead. Staying active throughout this process will help you build resilience and stay positive.
Set Healthy Habits
Eating healthy, getting enough sleep, and taking regular breaks are also essential in caring for yourself. Make sure to take breaks from work or school. Avoid using drugs and alcohol or impulsive shopping splurges to cope with the pain.
Avoid Social Media
Social media can worsen heartbreak symptoms. Taking a break from your Instagram and TikTok helps you disconnect, fostering self-awareness and reflection. It shifts focus from the past to the present and future, which is crucial for moving forward. Set aside time away from technology to prioritize healing and personal goals.
4. Surround Yourself With Supportive People
Having a supportive network is crucial for healing after a breakup. Research shows that ending non-cohabiting relationships can negatively impact mental health and life satisfaction. Seeking support from loved ones or professionals can aid readjustment, improve well-being, and rebuild your self-esteem.
Types of Beneficial Supportive Systems
It’s important to connect with people who validate your feelings and experiences rather than those who trivialize them. Seek out empathetic friends and family who can offer comfort and understanding during this difficult time.
Seeking support from loved ones or professionals can aid readjustment, improve well-being, and rebuild your self-esteem.
Mental health professionals can provide valuable support through therapy sessions that promote self-reflection and personal growth. Their expertise in addressing complex emotional issues can help you navigate feelings more effectively.
If you need extra motivation, consider reading books and listening to podcasts on self-care and mental health topics. There are many inspiring stories to learn from that may help you on your path to healing.
5. Rediscover Old Hobbies and Interests
Rediscovering old hobbies and interests is important in healing a broken heart. It’s common for you to spend most of your free time with your partners while neglecting hobbies and interests that were once a big part of their lives. However, after a breakup, reviving those passions can help you feel more alive and give you a sense of fulfillment.
Pursuing your passions can help you regain a sense of purpose, improve your mood, and create a positive outlook for the future.
But where do you start? It can be overwhelming to think about diving back into your old hobbies, especially if it’s been a while since you last pursued them. One tip is to start small and set achievable goals. Maybe it’s dedicating 30 minutes daily to practicing your guitar or signing up for a class at your local community center.
Returning to your old hobbies and interests isn’t just about the activity. It’s about the emotional benefits as well. Pursuing your passions can help you regain a sense of purpose, improve your mood, and create a positive outlook for the future.
6. Explore New Opportunities and Experiences
Are you feeling bored and unfulfilled since the end of your relationship? Maybe it’s time to kickstart a bucket list or start a new hobby. Engaging in activities you love can boost your mood, reduce stress, and improve your overall well-being. Post-breakup, a dip in self-confidence is normal. But now’s the opportunity to rebuild and rediscover your worth.
Engaging in activities you love can boost your mood, reduce stress, and improve your overall well-being.
New social experiences and hobbies boost self-esteem and ignite a fresh sense of accomplishment. For example, if you always wanted to take a road trip to California or New York, or spend a summer in Italy, now’s the time to do it. Set new goals and try out experiences that make you feel alive and excited about life again.
Instead of focusing on the negative thoughts, take on the role of your own cheerleader. Actively engage in positive self-talk as you get out of your comfort zone and take small steps toward learning new skills. You’ll quickly find yourself using this new skill in other areas of your life, helping yourself see your self-worth and realize that you can achieve any goal.
7. Learn Forgiveness and Rethink Relationships
Forgiveness is a gift that you give yourself. It isn’t something that you do for the person who hurts you, but rather an act of self-love and self-respect. In the aftermath of a breakup, forgiveness can seem impossible. Emotions are raw, and you may feel like the hurt is too deep to ever forgive. However, research studies reveal that those who practice forgiveness tend to have a higher level of happiness after a breakup.
Reevaluating values and boundaries helps us understand and forgive, without condoning hurtful behavior. Letting go of pain and resentment frees us to move forward. It also helps you set a better foundation for future relationships. This is the time when you consider your attachment style, what core values you want in a future partner, and what boundary lines you won’t cross.
Signs You’re Getting Over Your Ex
Recovering from a broken heart takes time and effort. Moving on varies from person to person, and there’s no “right” way to do it. However, some signs to look out for indicate you’re well on your way to healing from your breakup.
Emotional Stability
One of the most significant signs that you are getting over your ex is that you are feeling more emotionally stable. You may have experienced intense negative feelings and sadness after the breakup, but as time goes on, those feelings should dissipate. You’ll begin to have more positive emotions and feel less anxious about your daily life and future.
Moving On With Your Life
Another clear sign that you are getting over your ex is that you are actively moving on with your life. You’re no longer obsessed with your ex and can focus on your growth and happiness. You might find yourself pursuing new goals, hobbies, or even starting a new relationship.
Starting a New Relationship
If you feel ready to start a new healthy relationship, it can be a sign that you’ve moved on from your ex. However, it’s important to ensure you are truly ready and not jumping into the next relationship out of desperation. It’s essential to reflect on the reasons for your previous relationship’s failure and make sure you don’t repeat the same mistakes. Take the time to learn from your past, be honest, and communicate effectively.
Takeaways
Romantic breakups are hard. Whether it was a long-term relationship or a brief fling, the end of a relationship may leave you feeling wounded and vulnerable. However, healing after a breakup is possible. You can move forward and reclaim your happiness by employing a combination of self-care, reflection, and support.
If you struggle with the healing process or can’t find the support you need, seeking professional help can be a great option. Some people may lack the motivation to go to counseling physically. In that case, online therapy can be a great alternative.
Grow Therapy strives to make mental health support accessible to everyone. We make it easy to find a therapist who is in your area and accepts your insurance so you can spend more time focusing on your healing. Our mission is to make therapy more available and less intimidating so everyone can get the support they need.
