Divorce can be incredibly tough and overwhelming. Among the grief, legal issues, custody battles, and money changes, you might forget about taking care of your mental and emotional health. That’s where a divorce therapist can help.
Here, we’ll talk about the important things to think about when looking for a divorce therapist. Whether you’re amidst the separation or your divorce is already finalized, we’re here to help you find someone who can stand by you and help navigate this challenging time.
What is divorce therapy?
Divorce therapy is a specialized form of marriage counseling designed to support someone who is going through a divorce or separation. A licensed professional counselor can help you navigate the negative emotions, psychological, and practical aspects of this significant life transition. The primary goal of divorce therapy is to provide you with the necessary tools and guidance to cope with the various stresses that arise during the divorce process.
Did you know?
Divorce later in life is becoming far more common than it used to be. Nearly 40% of people who divorce today are 50 or older, up from just 8% in 1990 — a trend researchers call “gray divorce.”
Kristian Wilson, a Grow Therapy Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC), says, “Divorce is a significant life decision that can be emotionally challenging and complex. It is often advisable to seek support from professionals such as therapists, counselors, and lawyers who specialize in divorce to help navigate the process and manage the associated emotions.”
Who goes to divorce therapy?
The decision to seek support from a divorce therapist is a personal one. Divorce therapy is generally best suited to those who have already started the divorce process. Divorce therapy can help them process grief, anger, and other associated emotions.
Divorce therapists also work with co-parents to address the unique challenges that arise during and after a divorce. They help parents develop effective co-parenting strategies, manage conflicts, and support their children’s emotional well-being through the transition.
Divorce therapists can also act as mediators, facilitating constructive conversations between divorcing or divorced couples. They help couples communicate effectively, negotiate settlements, and find mutually agreeable solutions, reducing conflict and promoting a more amicable divorce process.
Do I need to wait until my divorce is finalized to start therapy?
Do I need to wait until my divorce is finalized to start therapy?
No — many people start well before the paperwork is finished. Divorce therapy can be useful throughout the process, from the early stages of separation through finalization and beyond, since the emotional weight of divorce doesn’t follow a fixed timeline. Starting earlier can also help with practical aspects, like managing communication with a soon-to-be-ex-spouse or preparing for co-parenting conversations. There’s no required waiting period — the right time to start is usually whenever the stress of the situation starts affecting daily life.
Divorce therapy vs. other types of therapy
While other forms of therapy, such as individual therapy or couples therapy, may touch upon some aspects of divorce, they may not have the specialized focus or expertise in divorce-related issues that divorce therapy provides.
Divorce therapy is specifically tailored to address the unique emotional, practical, and relational challenges that arise during the divorce journey. Seeking specialized support through divorce therapy can help people navigate the complexities of divorce, including the following factors:
Is divorce therapy the same as couples counseling?
Is divorce therapy the same as couples counseling?
Not quite, and the distinction matters when choosing a provider. Couples counseling is generally aimed at helping partners repair or strengthen their relationship, while divorce therapy assumes the relationship is ending and focuses instead on helping each person process that reality, manage the practical fallout, and move forward. Some couples do attend divorce-focused sessions together, particularly around co-parenting, but the goal is fundamentally different from trying to save the marriage. If it’s unclear which is the better fit, it’s worth asking a potential therapist directly which approach they specialize in and how they’d frame the goal of the work.
Addressing divorce dynamics
Divorce therapists have specialized knowledge and expertise in understanding the complexities of divorce and its impact on individuals and families. They’re familiar with the legal, emotional, and practical aspects of divorce, allowing them to provide tailored guidance and support.
Providing co-parenting support
Divorce therapy often includes a strong emphasis on co-parenting. Therapists can help you develop effective co-parenting strategies, improving communication with your ex-spouse, and minimizing conflict for the well-being of the children involved.
Why you should you consider seeing a divorce therapist
Dealing with the challenges of divorce is emotionally overwhelming — finding support from a divorce therapist can be extremely valuable in navigating divorce’s complexities. Here are some reasons seeing a divorce therapist can be beneficial:
Emotional support
Divorce often triggers a range of intense emotions, including grief, anger, fear, and sadness. A divorce therapist offers a safe and nonjudgmental space to express and process these emotions. They provide support, validation, and guidance to help you navigate the emotional rollercoaster.
Coping strategies
Divorce therapy equips you with effective coping strategies to manage the emotions associated with divorce. Therapists use evidence-based techniques to support emotional stability and reduce risk during a difficult time.
Communication skills
Effective communication is necessary during divorce, particularly when co-parenting. A divorce therapist can help you improve your communication skills, teaching you strategies for active listening, expressing needs assertively, and effectively negotiating with your ex-spouse.
Co-parenting guidance
Co-parenting after a divorce presents its own set of challenges. A divorce therapist can guide you in establishing a cooperative co-parenting relationship, developing effective parenting plans, and fostering healthy communication between you and your ex-spouse. Their expertise can help you prioritize the well-being of your children and reduce potential conflict.
“Seeing a divorce therapist can provide valuable support during the challenging process of divorce. They can help individuals manage their emotions, develop coping strategies, and navigate the practical and emotional aspects of separation,” Wilson says. “A divorce therapist can assist in gaining clarity, making informed decisions, and rebuilding life post-divorce.”
What to look for in a divorce therapist
When searching for a divorce therapist, there are important aspects to consider that can make a difference in your therapy experience:
Qualifications and Experience: Research the divorce therapist’s credentials, certifications, and relevant experience.
Specialization in Divorce Counseling: Look for therapists with specific expertise in divorce therapy. They’ll have a deep understanding of the complexities and emotions involved in this process. This will allow them to offer valuable insights and strategies tailored to your situation.
“When seeking a divorce therapist, it is important to look for someone who has expertise in divorce-related issues, such as grief, coping with change, co-parenting, and rebuilding life after divorce,” Wilson adds. “A good divorce therapist should be compassionate, non-judgmental, and skilled in helping individuals navigate the emotional aspects of divorce.”
Compatibility and Rapport: Feeling comfortable and supported by your divorce therapist is crucial for a positive therapeutic relationship. It’s important to find someone with whom you connect with and feel at ease — take the time to assess your compatibility and rapport with the therapist.
Therapeutic Approach: Discuss different therapeutic approaches and consider which ones align with your preferences and needs. Therapists may use different approaches in their practice and it’s important to discuss this when making your decision.
Can divorce therapy help even if my ex-spouse won’t participate?
Can divorce therapy help even if my ex-spouse won’t participate?
Yes. While some divorce therapists work with both parties, especially for co-parenting purposes, individual divorce therapy is common and doesn’t require a former spouse’s participation at all. In fact, many people find individual sessions more useful for processing personal emotions like grief or anger without needing to manage a shared conversation at the same time. If co-parenting communication eventually becomes a goal, some therapists can incorporate that later, but it’s not a requirement to begin.
How do I find a suitable divorce therapist?
One of the best ways to get started is by asking for recommendations from trusted friends, family members, or healthcare professionals who may have experience with divorce therapy. Their personal insights can guide you in finding a therapist who fits your needs.
You can also lean on online directories to help you find a suitable divorce therapist. Grow Therapy can help you find a divorce therapist near you who accepts your insurance. Many providers with Grow Therapy are available for appointments within as little as two days so you can get the help you need as soon as possible.
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Frequently asked questions
What's the difference between divorce therapy and marriage counseling?
What's the difference between divorce therapy and marriage counseling?
Marriage counseling generally aims to help a couple repair or improve their relationship, while divorce therapy assumes the relationship is ending and focuses on helping someone process the emotional and practical aspects of separation.
Can divorce therapy help with co-parenting specifically?
Can divorce therapy help with co-parenting specifically?
Yes. Many divorce therapists work directly with co-parents to build communication strategies, manage conflict, and support their children’s well-being through the transition.
How do I know if a divorce therapist is a good fit for me?
How do I know if a divorce therapist is a good fit for me?
Look for someone with specific experience in divorce-related issues, and pay attention to whether you feel comfortable and understood in your sessions — rapport matters as much as credentials.
Is it normal to feel like I need therapy even if the divorce was my decision?
Is it normal to feel like I need therapy even if the divorce was my decision?
Yes. Even a divorce someone initiated can bring up complicated emotions like grief, guilt, or uncertainty, and therapy can help process those feelings regardless of who made the decision to separate.
How can I find a divorce therapist who accepts my insurance?
How can I find a divorce therapist who accepts my insurance?
Grow Therapy’s provider search lets you filter by state, insurance, and specialty, making it easier to find a divorce therapist who fits your specific situation.
About Greg Lozano
Greg Lozano is a licensed professional counselor specializing in peer relationships, couples counseling, and grief.
