Licensed to practice in California and accepts 9 insurances. Specializes in Couples Counseling, Mood Disorders, Anxiety and 3 more.
(she/her)
New to Grow
Hello...I am Dr. Taulbee. We all have a "story". And I want to hear yours. I hear the heartbeat of what you tell me and what you leave unsaid. My task is to help you feel comfortable so that you can voice what it is that concerns you about hurts, habits, and hang-ups that are leftovers, I call them, from growing up....and how that impacts you today. Even people from the best of families have what I call "unfinished business" that goes back to family of origin "stuff". My training and experience have shown me that until we deal with it, we can't live fully abundant lives. So, I look forward to hearing you and knowing your story, so that you are free to choose love and be loved , and to forgive people who have hurt you in the way God intended from the beginning.
I open sessions with an invitation for you to tell me what "brings you to therapy"? I listen intently.... to what you say, and what you leave unsaid.
Life, psychiatric training and work experience have taught me that we all have wounds. I actually wrote about and published this tenet in my first book, "You Can't Heal A Wound by Saying It's Not There". Our goal in life must be to overcome our wounds not only so we can be better, but so we can help others. Ernest Hemingway in his novel, Farewell to Arms, says "we are made stronger in the 'broken places". And we are. Publications: Film Review of the movie, "Crash", Springer Publications, Journal of Pastoral Psychology, NY, NY, 2006; Book Review of the Book, "Hope in Conflict", David Sawyer, Congregations, The Alban Institute, Vol.33, Num. 3, Summer 2007; My Book: "You Can't Heal A Wound by Saying It's Not There", 2nd edition, Dr. Saundra J. Taulbee, AuthorHouse Publishing, 2017 (Amazon): Instagram:
Ideal patient is motivated to change, has basic understanding of the baggage they bring to the problem, is thoughtful, able to not only be transparent about their own issues and emotions they carry, but able to see another's point of view, and has ability to problem solve. Most importantly, patient understands therapy is a journey, not a race or one session fixes all affair.
I analyze the patient's relational (how they "attach" to people) style going back to history with family beginning with patient's ability to connect with mother in breastfeeding, being held and coddled, etc., as well as patient's ability to form relationship with siblings and school friends, dating relationships, etc. (and help patient see connection). From there we look at whether there are any parallel patterns in patient's attachment style with current day associates, spouse, siblings, etc. and their primal style of attachment. The transference style (way they relate to therapist) usually reflects the way they relate/attach to people outside of therapy. An astute therapist will analyze and interpret the quality of the patient's style with therapist while analyzing any parallels in way patient relates to family and others outside of the therapy situation. There is a pattern that is usually set from childhood that persists throughout life, although sometimes people change attachment style either when they marry a loving, secure, mentally healthy spouse and/or if they have a born-again experience with God. I help patient examine with me quality of attachment to me as therapist, helping them give voice to when they feel awkward, afraid, etc., eventually helping them "trust" the therapeutic process as they "see" themself changing and being being able to "connect" on emotional level.
I help couples learn and recognize when they use what Gottman calls "The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse"....complaining, criticizing, defending and stonewalling ..... and stop doing it as they begin to switch from blaming the other spouse to acknowledging their contribution to the emotional and verbal downward spiral. Utilizing this technique has turned several of my patients' marriages ... who were in therapy on the way to divorce.........to be turned totally around.
I get to know the patients religious background, and find out if they actually "practice" their religion. If they don't, I exhort them to begin doing it or else it's of no value and they are wasting time with God. If they actually practice their religion, i.e. pray, read Scripture, etc., then I discern whether patients are actually applying the scriptures to their lives and whether they are actually confessing their own sin in prayer together with their spouse. It's amazing how many married couples do not pray together at night before bed and do not pray aloud. So, I help them develop a prayer life together... begins with reading scripture aloud and allowing it to become the foundation of how they begin to "talk to God" in prayer about how they are keeping the scriptures or not. This is a wonderful exercise that not only increases intimacy spiritually with God but also with the couple... the more they can transparently share openly the concerns of their heart. I have seen couples grow tremendously because of this.
I was trained in medical school by the psychoanalytic method, including having to see a psychiatrist weekly for my own therapy. Certainly Sigmund Freud was genius in his method of analyzing how underlying motives, often unconscious or preconscious, drive one's behavior. Yes, I recognize some of the limitations of Freud's method and the fact that his sample was limited. But the main concept is truly accurate. So, I gather background case history from all patients re: homelife, interaction with parents, siblings, traumas, incidence of sex abuse or not, etc., and I come to understand the "fabric" the patient is made of and how their background carries forth behaviors into marriage and other relationships they may/may not be aware of. One example I recall is how a female patient of mine had a peculiarity of having her brother climb in bed with her when he spent the weekend with her and her husband. While husband was making coffee the brother would "cuddle" with sister under the covers. This habit was one that began when they were in their latency stage when they would "help" each other go to sleep. Help included fondling genitals, etc., which was a practice continued to their adult life. By report it is bizaare that the female patient's husband did not confront them. But when the patient admitted this to me in session, I explored this deeper with her. She eventually began to recognize cognitive dissonance she employed so that she could continue the act unhindered....denying any guilt or embarrassment, shame, etc. But, I could see on her face the struggle she had with her actions. After I confronted the resistance to avoid underlying feelings, she was able to admit her behavior as wrong but enjoyable. Eventually she was able to acknowledge what the primary gain was for her to be able to continue in an act that was not only socially unacceptable, but illegal. The patient eventually acknowledged her incest with her brother and how it shaped and colored her view of sexuality. It is amazing how many people have been scarred by incest with brothers or cousins or uncles...or even dad, yet deny it, and rationalize it.
I help patients see how are thoughts and feelings and actions are connected. Sometimes a person gets stuck in what is called a thought "loop" which literally paralyzes them from taking action. So, we identify feelings that are connected with an action, and I help patient imagine in a graduated sort of method from worst fear to least fear..... how to begin to move forward.