Setting emotional boundaries with clients

As a therapist, you know that the core of talk therapy is the concept of the therapeutic relationship — i.e., a bond between therapist and client built on trust and mutual respect. This rapport allows clients to feel safe enough to share difficult thoughts and feelings with their therapists.

But placing some loving limits on this relationship is just as important. This is where emotional boundaries come in, a set of guidelines that ensure both you and your clients are emotionally and professionally protected.

Let’s face it, though — while you may know in theory that boundaries are everything in terms of a solid therapeutic relationship, it can be difficult to keep your boundaries fully intact when working with clients. We’ve got you covered. Read on for what mental health professionals need to know about setting emotional boundaries with clients, including why it matters, how to do it, and what to do if you run into any challenges.

Why do emotional boundaries matter for mental health providers?

Therapists know how important empathy is. After all, therapy clients go to therapy to be heard and understood. But there’s a difference between empathy and overinvolvement. And that’s where emotional boundaries come in.

Boundaries are crucial for ensuring that the therapy space remains safe for both clients and therapists. They create structure, protect privacy, and ensure that the client-therapist relationship remains professional. Boundaries help therapists manage dynamics like transference, and they teach clients about establishing their own emotional boundaries in relationships.

“Setting emotional boundaries with clients is actually a way to protect the therapeutic relationship,” 

Heather Rafanello

“Therapy sessions are about the client, and their goals, needs, etc. If I spend time talking about my own emotions, it takes away from their time and needs. Further, it protects the client from knowing too much about us as people, and it protects our work” says Licensed Clinical Social Worker Heather Rafanello, a Grow-affiliated provider. Perhaps most importantly, they help protect therapists from developing dual relationships with clients and can help prevent burnout. Solid boundaries allow therapists to continue working with their clients ethically, effectively, and from a place of integrity. 

Foundations of professional boundaries

Professional boundaries in therapy create a structure that protects the therapeutic relationship. For example, strong boundaries in therapy can:

• Increase the clinical effectiveness of therapy

• Minimize harm for both clients and therapists

• Build a robust working alliance between therapist and client

• Model boundary and assertiveness skills for clients

• Boost a client’s feelings of self-worth, by showing respect for a client’s autonomy

• Protect therapists from engaging in potentially risky or unethical behaviors

• Help prevent therapists from being manipulated by clients

Ethical and legal frameworks for boundaries

Most professional therapist organizations have ethical and legal frameworks that help define what professional boundaries should look like in the therapy relationship.

For example, the American Psychological Association’s Ethical Principles of Psychologists and Code of Conduct touches on several key points regarding boundaries for therapists. These include guidelines like:

• Therapists shouldn’t engage in activities where there’s a likelihood that their personal issues will prevent them from performing competently in a professional setting.

• If a therapist is aware that their personal problems could be interfering with their work, they should seek professional support.

• Therapists should limit “multiple relationships” in therapy, which is when a therapist has both a professional and personal relationship with a client.

• If a therapist enters into a “multiple relationship” with someone that has become inappropriate or harmful, they should take immediate steps to resolve it.

How do I recognize boundary challenges and risks?

Boundary problems in therapy can trigger feelings of mistrust from clients, can create unhealthy dynamics between clients and therapists, and can ultimately derail progress your client is making in therapy.

But boundary issues can have profound effects on therapists too, and impact their ability to show up fully for their clients. While most therapists expect a fair amount of stress in their line of work, sometimes blurred boundaries can result in not just stress, but also burnout.

A therapist who isn’t able to maintain clear emotional boundaries between themselves and their clients may become overwhelmed to the point of deep emotional exhaustion. Burnout in therapists can look like detachment from clients and the work itself, emotional depletion, and a reduced sense of accomplishment or drive to continue the work. It’s the feeling of having “nothing left to give.” 

Signs your emotional boundaries are being crossed

 How might you know that your emotional boundaries aren’t holding up? Here are some signs:

• You may feel like you can’t stop thinking about clients, even after sessions are over.

• You may experience an outsized feeling of responsibility for your client’s well-being.

• You may feel guilt about your client’s choices or what has happened to them.

• You may experience dread or anxiety about seeing your clients.

• You might start being more flexible than you want to be regarding policies about time, fees, or outside contact with clients.

What types of emotional boundaries do therapists have with clients?

There are many different types of emotional boundaries that come into play in therapist/client relationships. It can be helpful to consider the different ways that boundaries show up. Emotional boundaries may look like:

• Time and structure boundaries, such as having therapy session start and end at set times

• Communications boundaries, where the therapist limits how often and in what ways clients are able to communicate between sessions

• Confidentiality boundaries, where the client’s personal information is kept private, unless there is a safety concern

• Physical boundaries, where the therapist doesn’t touch the clients, except in safe and respectful manners

• Emotional boundaries, where the therapist doesn’t engage in self-disclosure, except in certain limited and carefully chosen circumstances

• Payment boundaries, where payment is expected on time and the client has clear and enforced cancellation policies

Self-awareness as the starting point

You can’t address any issue if you don’t know it exists, right? That’s why self-awareness is the starting point when it comes to addressing issues with emotional boundaries.

We each have our own personal triggers when it comes to emotional boundaries, and our cultural backgrounds and identities come into play here as well. Self-reflection, meditation, journaling, and seeking support from your own mental health professional can help you identify areas where your emotional boundaries are being crossed as a therapist.

When your client triggers deep, personal, emotional reactions in you, you might be struggling with countertransference. This is basically the therapist’s version of transference, where you end up projecting your personal feelings, past relationship patterns, and other unresolved issues onto the client/patient relationship.

It’s necessary to keep in mind that countertransference is actually quite common — and it’s nothing to be afraid of. That said, it’s definitely something to acknowledge within yourself and work through, either on your own or with the assistance of a therapist. 

Be aware

Look out for situations where a client exhibits any type of communication or behavior that suggests transference that’s unhealthy for the therapeutic relationship. In those cases, it’s best to take enough mental space to consider how to approach it carefully, and in a way that helps the patient understand boundaries better.

How can I set boundaries from the start of treatment?

Setting boundaries in therapy isn’t just an option — it’s something all therapists should do. But it’s something that can easily get neglected, especially as you’re just starting out. That’s why it’s so important to be intentional about setting boundaries, and to do so with each and every client, from the beginning of the therapeutic relationship.

Here’s what setting boundaries as a therapist might look like:

• Sharing your boundary-enforcing policies as part of your informed consent forms

• Discussing what your boundaries are during client intakes, and emphasizing the benefits of a therapeutic alliance between therapist and client

• Sharing clear instructions on how clients can contact you outside of therapy sessions, and what to expect in terms of response times

• Offering clients information about managing a crisis, including other colleagues who may be available when you are not, community crisis hotlines, and other online resources

• Implementing defined start and end times for sessions, and a clearly stated cancellation policy

Therapeutic use of self-disclosure 

Therapeutic self-disclosure is when a therapist shares their own personal experiences or emotional reactions during a therapy session. This can help humanize the therapist to the client, and increase feelings of trust and rapport. It also helps a client feel heard, understood, and less alone.

“Self-disclosure might be as simple as ‘I can relate, in some ways, to what you’re saying, and in my experience this was heavy. How does it manifest for you?’” Rafanello describes. 

But like everything else, self-disclosure should be used carefully, and with appropriate boundaries. It can be helpful to ask yourself if you are using self-disclosure to help your client and build trust, or if you are using it simply to express your own feelings. Self-disclosure should only be used as part of a client treatment plan. If the self-disclosure is not entirely in service to your client, you can take that as a sign that it might be time to step back from it.

Taking a “less is more” approach is also helpful. Are you disclosing as few details as possible — just enough to connect more deeply with your client? Using self-disclosure in a limited manner, and with a clear intention can ensure that it’s being used ethically and with appropriate boundaries.

How do I navigate common boundary dilemmas?

Understanding the importance of emotional boundaries and how they work is one thing. But navigating common emotional boundary challenges is something else. What do you do when prickly issues come up?

Here are some common dilemmas and how to manage them. 

When clients challenge your professional boundaries

There are various ways that a client might challenge your professional boundaries, including:

• Trying to contact you at times when you’ve previously stated you are not available

• Showing up late/canceling appointments and refusing to adhere to your cancellation policies

• Trying to engage with you emotionally or physically in inappropriate ways

You can start by validating your client’s feelings and the needs that they are expressing, but then redirect them to discuss ways that you might be able to collaborate on meeting those needs in a more appropriate manner.

Additionally, this can be an opportunity for you to revisit your informed consent documents and other documentation you’ve shared with them that state some of your professional boundaries. 

Navigating social media as a therapist

Social media can be a powerful way for you to find and connect with new clients. But it certainly presents challenges, especially when it comes to emotional and professional boundaries.

One area where boundary lines can get blurred is if you decide to take a personalized approach to your professional social media presence. For example, if you share photos of your family, places you’ve traveled, or share other personal anecdotes or information, this can potentially impact how your new clients relate to you.

So while it can be helpful to create a more personalized social media approach, you want to be mindful of how much you share, and which pieces of personal information may negatively impact a future therapeutic relationship.

Probably the biggest challenge, though, is if your clients either intentionally or accidentally end up following your personal social media accounts. This is why it’s vitally important to have separate professional and personal accounts on social media. You shouldn’t connect with your clients on your personal social media accounts.

If you choose to have a personal social media account, you need to lock it down as much as possible, not allowing “followers” or friends you can’t approve of, and carefully scrutinizing any friend or follow requests before accepting them. You should also check your settings in terms of photos, posts, interests, comments, or other public interactions that may inadvertently be public. 

Emotional self-care and support systems

Establishing and maintaining strong emotional and professional boundaries is essential. But to make sure this happens, you’ll need to tap into your own inner strength and resilience, maintain your own self-care routines, and reach out for support, when needed.

Here are some tips for making this happen:

• Develop daily self-care rituals that work for you, whether that’s exercise, journaling, meditation, or taking regular rest/recalibration breaks.

• Connect with colleagues you can regularly contact to share challenges in professional boundary setting.

• Develop techniques you can use in session to manage your emotional reactions to your clients, including breathing/grounding techniques, cognitive techniques, and scripted responses you can use when particular issues come up.

• Build helpful routines within your therapy practice for protecting your well-being, such as taking on realistic caseloads, and instituting end-of-day rituals that allow you to leave your work at the workplace, and not take it home.

• Recognize signs that you may need outside support for your own mental health. 

How Grow can help

Navigating emotional boundaries as a therapist isn’t always easy. But you aren’t alone, and having a space where you can engage with fellow therapists about the ins and outs of professional boundaries is a game-changer.

Grow Therapy not only supports you in building a robust client-base, but we also offer a platform where you can connect with other therapists facing similar challenges. The Grow Provider Community is a thriving online community where therapists like you can connect with each other and discuss the day-to-day realities and challenges of the profession.

In addition, we have a resource library brimming with supportive information for therapists, including articles like Why therapists need therapy too and our burnout recovery guides.

See if Grow is right for you.

How do I repair or reset boundaries when they slip?

Sometimes emotional or professional boundaries get crossed. It happens to nearly all therapists at one time or another. Maybe you’ve disclosed more personal information than is helpful to your client. Maybe you answered a client call when you previously said you wouldn’t. Maybe you allowed a client to stay past their end time or didn’t enforce a cancellation policy.

It’s not a matter of if this happens, but what to do when it inevitably occurs. First, you want to distinguish between boundary crossings and boundary violations. Boundary crossings are when you do something that extends beyond a boundary, but isn’t seriously harmful to your client or yourself, such as accepting a hug or gift during a final session. A boundary violation is when a boundary is crossed and it’s harmful to you or your client.

Most boundary crossings can be handled by making a mental note of what happened and deciding whether or not it needs to be addressed. If you need to address it during a session, you can use it as a teaching moment for your client. For example, you might say, “A professional boundary was crossed when X happened. I wonder, how did that make you feel?”

“I had a supervisor who used to say ‘human first, therapist second,’” Rafanello shares. “If you follow this, you’ll need to make repairs, and that’s part of the process too. One of the coolest parts of our work is the ability to model repairs, which is such an important part of the healing journey.”

But a boundary violation is more serious, and concrete measures should be taken to address it. You can start with contacting a peer who you trust, or a supervisor you’ve worked with before. Contacting your professional therapist organization may also be necessary; they can guide you on proper actions and/or documentation.

Special considerations across settings and populations

Setting emotional boundaries can vary based on who your clients are and in what circumstances you are working with them. 

Boundaries in telehealth and hybrid care models

Working with clients in telehealth settings has its own unique challenges. If you connect with clients from home or from public settings, you run the risk of sharing your own private information or the private information of others. You also run the risk of your client’s sessions being overheard by others. All of these are boundaries you should take measures not to cross.

There is a possibility clients may interpret a telehealth setting as an opportunity to approach their care more casually, such as not showing up on time, or asking you too many questions about your personal life. Keeping your agreed-upon professional boundaries in mind and adhering to them will be extra important in a telehealth setting.

Working with high-risk and trauma-exposed clients

Emotional boundaries are particularly important when you are working through traumas with your clients. You’ll want to give your client pauses so that they can help manage the feelings that come up as they share traumatic events. But you’ll also want to give yourself pauses to breathe, ground yourself, and reflect.

Clients may also need extra support outside of sessions when dealing with trauma. It’s important to give them options, in terms of how to contact you, while also being clear what your communication boundaries are. 

Final thoughts

At first, many therapists worry that setting emotional boundaries might make it harder to be warm or empathetic with their clients. But as they deepen into their practice, they end up seeing that it’s just the opposite. Emotional boundaries can strengthen feelings of trust between therapist and client, and ensure that you are able to be fully present for clients.

Setting emotional boundaries in therapy is a skill you will be honing for your entire career. And yes, mistakes may happen, but this is how you’ll grow both professionally and personally. It’s important to remember you don’t have to do this alone. Grow Therapy offers opportunities for therapists to grow a thriving and ethical practice, and receive resources and support along the way. 

Want to learn more?See if Grow is right for you.