Emotionally focused therapy (EFT)
Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) is a structured, evidence-based psychotherapy that helps individuals, couples, and families understand and regulate emotions in a way that fosters healthier relationships. It’s designed to help people strengthen their bonds by fostering emotional connections, ensuring that emotions guide rather than control the direction of those relationships. At its core, EFT recognizes that our emotions are closely tied to how we interact with others, so by becoming more aware of and expressing those emotions, people can build deeper, more secure attachment bonds.
What are the origins of emotionally focused therapy?
Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) was developed in the 1980s by Dr. Sue Johnson, emotionally focused therapy is rooted in attachment theory, which explains how early caregiver relationships shape adult relational patterns. Dr. Johnson, influenced by Dr. Leslie Greenberg’s research on emotions in therapy, designed EFT to help couples, individuals, and families build stronger emotional bonds.
Originally designed to help couples with communication issues and emotional distance, EFT has proven effective for individuals, couples, and families dealing with anxiety, depression, trauma, and relationship challenges. Today, EFT is one of the most-researched forms of psychotherapy, widely recognized for helping people feel more understood and emotionally connected to their loved ones.
When is emotionally focused therapy (EFT) used?
Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) is adaptable and can be used in individual therapy, couples therapy, or even family therapy. EFT is widely used in couples therapy, but is also beneficial for individuals experiencing anxiety, depression, trauma, or relational distress. It helps people recognize emotional patterns, regulate difficult feelings, and strengthen their ability to connect with others.
When used in couples therapy or relationship counseling, EFT is useful for addressing challenges such as poor communication, emotional distance, or trust issues. For example, a couple who experiences negative interaction patterns might use emotionally focused couples therapy to break the cycle of conflict and learn how to communicate their feelings more openly and honestly.
EFT also helps with attachment wounds, so people who’ve had challenging relationships with caregivers or have experienced past relational traumas can benefit from the therapy, too. While it’s not typically used for personality disorders, EFT has become a go-to method of therapy for anyone looking to create healthier emotional connections—whether that’s with a partner, a family member, or themselves.
In emotionally focused family therapy, the process helps family members understand each other’s emotional needs and improve communication — imagine a family where everyone feels heard and supported, even during tough times! So, whether you’re working through a relationship issue or just trying to manage your emotions better on your own, EFT can be adapted to fit your needs.
How does emotionally focused therapy (EFT) work?
Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) works by helping you understand and work through your emotions in a way that helps you improve your relationships. The idea is that our emotions guide how we connect with others, and when those emotions aren’t expressed or understood properly, it can lead to disconnection, conflict, or stress. The emotionally focused therapist helps you become aware of your emotions, express them clearly, and understand what’s really driving them.
The therapist also works to shift negative patterns of interaction, such as the common “demand-withdraw” cycle that many couples experience. In this cycle, one partner repeatedly asks for something (like the dishes to be done), feeling frustrated or unheard, while the other partner withdraws, either by avoiding the conversation or not responding. This creates a pattern where the demanding partner feels ignored, and the withdrawing partner feels criticized or overwhelmed. Over time, these small moments of friction accumulate, leading to distance and disconnection.
Instead of getting caught in the same emotional loops, you can learn to break those patterns and create more understanding and connection. Using dance as an analogy, EFT helps people learn how to move together in sync instead of stepping on each other’s toes. EFT also helps you create new ways of communicating, practicing vulnerability, and addressing deeper attachment needs, which can be a game-changer for healing past wounds and building stronger bonds. By the end, EFT doesn’t just help you feel better—it helps you relate to others in a more secure, supportive way.
What is emotionally focused therapy (EFT) like?
In the beginning, the emotionally focused therapist will ask you about your emotional history, your current challenges, and—if you’re in couples therapy — your relationship dynamics. The therapist will work with you to understand any patterns and figure out how they’re affecting your relationship. This sets the stage for the deeper emotional work that EFT focuses on.
Throughout the sessions, EFT focuses on what Dr. Sue Johnson refers to as “the dance” between people, where emotions act as the music guiding the steps. The therapist’s main intervention in session is to help you understand and express your emotions in a way that strengthens the emotional connection. To do so, EFT therapy follows five key stages:
- Present processing – First, your therapist will help you identify and express what you’re feeling.
- Deepening the emotion – Next, the therapist helps you dig a little deeper to uncover the underlying emotions and attachment needs that are driving those feelings
- Creating enactments – After that, you’ll engage in structured exercises, such as practicing a difficult conversation, to develop more effective communication patterns in a safe, guided environment.
- Processing the enactment – The therapist will help you reflect on these enactments and explore how it felt to communicate in a more open, vulnerable way.
- Summarizing – Finally, they’ll wrap up the session by reviewing what you’ve learned and setting goals for the next session. This process helps you shift out of negative cycles—like demand and withdrawal—into a healthier, more connected emotional dance.
The therapeutic arc of EFT is built around a three-stage change process:
- De-escalation – The therapist helps you break free from those negative emotional cycles, like demand-withdrawal, that keep you stuck.
- Restructuring the bond – Helping you (whether as a couple, individual, or family) open up and connect emotionally in new ways, creating more understanding and closeness.
- Consolidation – The therapist helps you strengthen these new patterns so they stick long-term. EFT is an active, experiential process—like learning a new dance—where both partners learn to move together in harmony, with emotions as the guiding rhythm.
How long does emotionally focused therapy (EFT) take?
Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) usually takes 8 to 20 sessions, depending on what you’re working through. Sessions are typically once a week or every other week, and last about 50 minutes.
Is emotionally focused therapy effective?
Research consistently shows that emotionally focused therapy (EFT) is highly effective, especially emotionally focused therapy for couples. Multiple studies indicate that EFT leads to substantial improvements in relationship satisfaction and emotional bonding. For example, a landmark study published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy found that EFT helped couples reduce relationship distress, enhance emotional responsiveness, and improve communication.
In a 2013 study, Dr. Sue Johnson and her team discovered that after undergoing EFT, couples who held hands experienced reduced feelings of threat and enhanced emotional security, with positive emotional responses like safety and calm activated in the brain. Additionally, a meta-analysis published in Clinical Psychology Review, found that EFT has long-lasting positive effects, with many couples maintaining improved emotional connections and satisfaction years after therapy.
The therapy’s foundation in attachment theory — which emphasizes the importance of secure emotional bonds — is supported by both neuroscience and attachment research, providing strong validation for EFT’s approach. EFT has also been proven helpful for individuals struggling with anxiety, depression, and trauma as it helps people better understand and express their emotions in ways that lead to strong emotional security and healthier relationships.
This substantial body of evidence positions EFT as a scientifically supported therapy for both couples and individuals dealing with emotional difficulties.
How to find a clinician who practices emotionally focused therapy (EFT)
When looking for an emotionally focused therapist, it’s important to find someone with whom you feel safe and comfortable, as well as someone who is licensed and has specific training in EFT. Emotionally focused therapy is a specialized approach, so you will want to look for a therapist who has completed advanced training in the method, typically through programs certified by the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT).
In terms of qualifications, you will often find EFT therapists who are licensed marriage and family therapists (LMFTs), licensed clinical social workers (LCSWs), psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurses, licensed professional counselors (LPCs), licensed mental health counselors (LMHCs) and more. These professionals will have the proper training and credentials to help you work through relationship or emotional issues using EFT.
In addition, finding a therapist who accepts your insurance can make therapy much more affordable. You can find a therapist who accepts your insurance and specializes in EFT by using Grow Therapy. After filtering for your location, insurance, and needs, you can then select “Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)” from the “Treatment methods” drop-down.