How to encourage someone to start therapy without pushing them away

If someone you love is struggling with their mental health, it’s natural to want to help. Knowing where to start can sometimes feel overwhelming. You might worry about saying the wrong thing, pushing them away, or not knowing what to do if things get serious.

Still, your support can make a big difference. Therapy can help, but not everyone feels ready to go on their own. By showing care and listening without pressure, you can help make it feel less scary to take that next step.

Signs someone might need mental health support

Not everyone will say out loud that they’re struggling. But you might notice small (or big) changes that make you worry. Here are some signs to look out for:

• Spending noticeably less time with friends or family
• Big changes in sleep, eating, or energy levels
• Seeming more irritable, angry, or sad than usual
• Saying things like “I feel hopeless” or “I can’t do this”
• Having a hard time focusing or making decisions
• Starting to use substances or taking risks they didn’t before

How to talk to someone about going to therapy

Talking to someone about mental health and going to therapy can feel awkward, but it doesn’t have to be. Start by picking a quiet time when you won’t be interrupted. You might say something like,

“I’ve noticed you haven’t seemed like yourself lately, and I just wanted to check in.”

If they worry about therapy, thinking it’s only for “serious” problems, you can help clear up those myths. Explain what therapy actually involves in a simple, reassuring way. Here are a few tips that can help:

• Be kind and gentle, don’t blame or judge.
• Use “I” statements, like “I’ve been worried about you.”
• Don’t try to fix everything, just listen.
• Let them talk, even if what they’re saying is hard to hear.

If it feels right, you can also share your own experience with therapy. Sometimes hearing how it helped someone else can make it seem less scary or unknown.

Try not to push. Stay open, be kind, and let them know they’re not alone.

If they react with anger or shut down, try not to take it personally. Sometimes, strong emotions are part of the process of deciding to seek help. You can come back to the conversation later when it feels like a better time.

Encouraging (not forcing) someone to get help

You can’t make someone go to therapy, but you can be a steady, caring presence. If they seem open to it, gently offer help.

Consider suggesting searching for a therapist together. You can assist them in finding a therapist based on their needs. Also, look for options that fit their budget.

Let them know therapy can be flexible. It can be online or in person, and some therapists offer lower-cost options based on income.

If they’ve had negative experiences with therapy or feel unsure due to cultural or personal reasons, acknowledge those concerns without judgment. You can help them find someone they feel safe with, whether that’s a therapist with shared lived experience, specific training in trauma-informed care, or a culturally competent approach.

It might also help to remind them that therapy doesn’t have to last forever. Even the first session can make a difference. Knowing how therapy can actually help might make it feel more approachable.

What not to say

When you’re trying to help, it’s easy to say something that doesn’t come out the way you meant. Some phrases can feel dismissive, even if your heart’s in the right place; avoid saying things like:

• “Just snap out of it.”
• “It’s not that bad.”
• “Other people have it worse.”
• “You don’t need therapy. You just need to [fill in the blank].”

These comments can make someone feel unheard or judged. This may lead them to shut down the conversation and increase their sense of shame or isolation. A more supportive approach sounds like:

“That sounds really hard. I’m here for you, and I believe talking to someone could help.”

When someone is suicidal or in crisis

If someone you care about talks about suicide or shows signs of self-harm, it can be scary. But it’s very important to take it seriously.

Ask direct questions like:

• “Have you been thinking about hurting yourself?”
• “Are you feeling safe right now?”

You won’t make things worse by asking. In fact, it could be the conversation that helps them feel understood.

Watch for signs that they may be in danger. They can include things like:

• Talking about wanting to die
• Searching for a way to harm themselves
• Giving away belongings or saying goodbye
• Using drugs or alcohol more than usual

If you believe they’re at immediate risk, don’t wait:

• Call 911
• Go to the nearest emergency room
• Contact a crisis line, like:
  • 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (call or text)
  • Crisis Text Line (text HOME to 741741)

Crisis support is available 24/7.

Supporting someone with an addiction

Watching someone you care about struggle with addiction can be incredibly hard. But your support still matters. Here are a few ways to show care without enabling the addiction:

• Avoid judgment – shame can make things worse.
• Let them know you’re there – they may not be ready for help now, but knowing you care makes a difference.
• Don’t cover for them – giving someone money or making excuses can support the addiction.
• Encourage therapy or treatment – offer to help them find a therapist or a treatment program.

And don’t forget, you need support too. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. Therapy or support groups like Al-Anon¹ can help you care for your loved one without losing yourself in the process.

Helping a child or teen start therapy

When a child or teen is struggling, it can be hard to know how much to step in. They may not have the words to explain what they’re feeling, or they might resist the idea of talking to a therapist. Still, your support can help them feel safe enough to take that first step.

If you’re thinking about therapy for a young person, consider:

• Letting them be part of the decision-making when possible
• Try asking an open-ended question like, “Would you feel better talking to someone who gets this?”
• Looking into therapists who specialize in working with kids or teens
• Letting them try a few sessions before deciding if it’s a good fit

Kids and teens often express emotional distress through behavior. If you see big changes in their mood, sleep, appetite, or school performance, it might be time to talk to a provider. You don’t have to figure it out by yourself; professional help is available.

Answers to questions you might have

When someone you love is struggling, it’s natural to want to help. If you’ve never looked into therapy before, you might have a lot of questions. Here are some common questions people have when looking for support for a loved one.

Is therapy like a phone call, going to an offer, or a video chat?

The answer to this question depends on the provider. Some therapists offer phone sessions, some use secure video calls, and others meet in person. At Grow Therapy, you can choose what works best.

Do they get assigned to one therapist or switch between different people?

Most therapists work one-on-one with the same client over time. Building trust and continuity is a big part of therapy.

How much will therapy cost?

The cost of therapy varies depending on the provider, location, and whether you use insurance. Some therapists offer sliding scale fees based on income. You can filter by cost and insurance coverage when searching.

What if they don’t have insurance?

Many providers offer affordable private-pay options. Grow’s platform lets you see therapists who offer lower-cost sessions, even without insurance.

Are there reviews so we know if the therapist is good?

Some directories include ratings or testimonials. While reviews can help, the best way to know if a therapist is a good fit is often to try a session and see how it feels.

Should we find someone who does CBT?

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is one approach that works well for many people. But it’s not the only option. The right therapy depends on the person’s needs and preferences.

Can I handle things like signing them up or picking a therapist?

You can definitely help with the process, especially if the person is overwhelmed. But it’s important they feel involved and empowered, too. You might offer to search together or help with scheduling once they’ve had a say in the choice.

If you’ve had these same questions, you’re not alone. Therapy can feel like a big step, but asking these kinds of questions is a great place to start.

Taking care of yourself while supporting others

Supporting someone else’s mental health can take a real emotional toll. You might feel drained, anxious, or unsure of how much support you can offer. That’s why it’s just as important to check in with yourself. Here are some ways to protect your own mental health:

• Know your limits –  It’s okay to say, “I can’t handle this right now.”
• Take breaks – Spend time doing things you enjoy, even if it’s just for a little while.
• Stay connected – Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist for support.
• Rest and recharge – Make sure you’re getting enough sleep, movement, and food.

You deserve support, too. Helping someone else doesn’t mean ignoring your own needs. Looking for a therapist for yourself, your partner, or someone else you care about? Start here.

Frequently asked questions

What if my loved one refuses to get help?

You can’t force someone to go to therapy, but your support still matters. Keep showing up, listening, and reminding them that help is available when they’re ready.

Can I find a therapist for someone else?

You can help someone else search for a therapist or support them in making calls. But, it’s important for them to stay involved in the process and give consent for any appointments or communication.

What if someone else wants to see my therapist?

It depends. Some therapists won’t see close friends or family members of current clients. Ask your therapist if it’s a good idea or if they can refer someone else.

How can I tell if it’s time to involve a professional?

If your loved one is in crisis, talking about suicide, or having trouble getting through daily tasks like eating, sleeping, or going to work, it’s time to seek immediate support. That might mean calling 911, the 988 Lifeline, or helping them connect with a licensed therapist.

What if therapy alone isn’t enough?

Many people find help from both therapy and medication. This is especially true when symptoms are strong or last a long time. A provider can help you choose if therapy and medication together are the best support for you.

What if the person had had a previously bad experience in therapy?

If they’ve had a bad experience in therapy before, it might help to talk about the challenges that come up when going to therapy. You can also help them with resources on what to do if something doesn’t feel right.

References

¹Al-Anon Family Groups. Al-Anon Family Groups official website. Retrieved from https://al-anon.org/