(he/him)
New to Grow
Over the course of my 35 years of clinical practice, I have learned and believe that people face certain fundamental challenges in the course of their journey through life. These challenges include the nature and quality of their relationships with others, from understanding and enduring abuse to seeking healthy and enduring relationships. These challenges also include confronting life circumstances, from the fear and uncertainty of being capable of meeting the responsibilities associated with various roles, to dealing with health conditions and traumatic experiences that pose a threat to one's best spiritual, physical, or emotional self. Clinical diagnosis sometimes cannot capture the full nature of the interpersonal and situational dilemmas people encounter. As a therapist, I work with my clients to gain a full understanding of their life story and seek to make adjustments reflecting new possibilities in their relationships and life circumstances.
In the first session, even for those who have never worked with a therapist before, it is important to identify impressions of what therapy will be like, whether these impressions come from others or even portrayals on TV. shows and movies. In the first session, I encourage my client to ask any questions about what it will be like, what concerns they might have, and discuss each of our roles in the process. It is emphasized that this is an exploring of insuring there is compatibility in working together first before proceeding. It is only after a feeling of mutual comfort has been established that the presenting problem and background will be addressed. After the first session, the goal is to establish a sense of mutual partnership and clarity in the focus and direction of the work to be done together. I am seeking to reduce any anxieties about moving forward and instill reassurance, hopefulness, and confidence in having made the right choice in seeking help When working with couples or family members, the introductory process is the same in identifying previous experiences or impressions about working with a therapist by asking each individual present. On some occasions, I have requested individual interactions with each individual present to ensure their impressions, expectations, and/or concerns can be addressed without undue influence from others present.
Everyone has at least two stories. One story is the one shared and known, and it is safe. And it may or may not be true. It is a story that we may or may not even believe. Then there is ...THE STORY which represents the truth. It is sometimes a truth that is known but kept secret because of the fear of others finding out or the fear of facing it. Sometimes this story is not even known because another story has been used to hide or escape the truth. As a therapist, I have come to understand the importance of safety in allowing people to face the pain of past experiences and/or the fear of future experiences, both of which are key to moving forward in their lives. By helping people examine the critical and defining events and episodes in their lives, we reveal the adverse and unhealthy impact these experiences have on their self-concepts and belief in themselves. The source of misbeliefs often comes from others whom you depended upon and trusted. The therapeutic process is not about changing who you are. The therapeutic process is about changing what you come to believe about yourself and discovering the truth about what else is possible. While it is common to believe that our emotions are simply natural reactions to our circumstances, I have found that our emotions are greatly influenced by our expectations and stories we have come to believe, even when the stories reflect the pain, fears, and anxieties more than the actual events. "So, let's look at what you were expecting and how you came to expect that. What is your story about why things didn't go as you expected? Is that story true, and is it working for you?
I often work with people when they are in what I call “a moment of truth” that invariably involves some sort of transition from “what was” to the uncertainty of “what will be.” These are moments where life is changing or is going to change, and things will not be the same again afterward. No matter what you do, even if you do nothing, that does not change the fact that things will not go back the way they were before. Sometimes these moments build slowly over time until you reach a point of no return. Sometimes these moments happen suddenly with absolutely no warning whatsoever. Your next act may be an act of faith or an act of desperation, and during these times, it is difficult to know the difference. I know my clients are often in a place of uncertainty, doubt, fear, and pain that requires a reassuring and hopeful presence. I know that by the time my clients have sought help, they have often struggled and tried many options, heard advice from family and friends, and even seen previous therapists so it is important to respect the seriousness of the problems and their previous efforts and not offer simplistic, superficial solutions. This is a collaboration of mutually defining specific goals and clarifying progressive steps to meet short-term stepping stones leading to these mutually defined goals.
The narrative approach to therapy is based on our natural human tendency to find understanding in stories that explain things that happen to us and around us. People are seen as experiencing problems, but people themselves are not seen as the problem. By addressing unhealthy and ineffective responses to life circumstances, this focus moves away from viewing oneself as damaged or defective to a focus on looking at and changing beliefs, behaviors, and choices that are ineffective in addressing the challenges of building healthy relationships or effectively dealing with responsibility associated with roles at home, at work, or in life in general. Narrative therapy separates people from their problems and allows individuals to regain a self-concept that is whole and healthy while working to change thought patterns and behaviors they would like to change