This article discusses grief and trauma. If you are having an emergency or have thoughts to harm or kill yourself, please call 911, go to your nearest emergency room, or call / text/ chat the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline for 24/7 confidential support.
Valentine’s Day is cherished by many as a time to celebrate affection and connection. But if you’re grappling with feelings of grief, heartbreak, or loneliness, it may not hold the same joyous significance. Instead of being swept away by heart-shaped decorations and romantic gestures, you may find yourself facing a wave of challenging emotions. This article is dedicated to exploring the impact this day can have on your well-being, validating these feelings, and providing supportive strategies to prioritize your mental health.
Key takeaways
- Valentine’s Day can bring up challenging emotions like grief, loneliness, or heartbreak, especially if you’re coping with past losses, unmet expectations, or societal pressures.
- The commercialization and idealized portrayals of love often lead to feelings of inadequacy, stress, or isolation, especially for those who are single, grieving, or in non-traditional relationships.
- Practicing self-care, setting healthy boundaries, and reframing Valentine’s Day to focus on self-love or other meaningful relationships can help improve emotional well-being.
- Seeking support from loved ones or mental health professionals can provide comfort and guidance during this time.
How Valentine’s Day can affect your mental health
While the concept of the “Valentine’s Day Blues” has not been extensively studied, it is an idea deeply rooted in pop psychology and is quite common. According to a recent report, the “increasing commodification of romance” and the societal pressure of Valentine’s Day can evoke stress just like holidays like Christmas and Thanksgiving.
Research suggests that women, who often place a higher emphasis on the significance of the day, may be more susceptible to feelings of anxiety, depression, and rumination if they do not receive a Valentine’s Day gift. In fact, recent commentary in mental health circles suggests that women’s depression could continue for weeks following the day. It’s important to understand that feeling lonely, sad, anxious, or depressed on Valentine’s Day is completely normal. It’s also perfectly acceptable to choose to skip the celebrations entirely if it helps maintain your mental well-being.
Social pressure and unrealistic expectations
The portrayal of “perfect love” in media and commercialization surrounding Valentine’s Day can set unrealistic expectations. This can leave people feeling inadequate or lonely as they compare their relationships to the idealized versions showcased in movies, advertisements, and social media posts. Being single or going through heartbreak can also carry a societal stigma that might amplify feelings of isolation or unworthiness. Recognizing that these portrayals are often exaggerated and do not capture the richness and challenges of real relationships can help ease some of the pressure you may be experiencing during this period. Dr. Nicole Morris, PMHNP-BC, a provider with Grow Therapy, encourages people to identify their personal values around love and connection rather than relying on external portrayals.
Social media posts showcasing seemingly perfect relationships can cause unrealistic comparisons which can amplify feelings of loneliness.
- Tahara DeBarrows, LMFT
Triggers for emotional pain
For some people, Valentine’s Day might evoke intense emotions, especially if you have memories of past relationships that ended in heartbreak or divorce. If you’re grieving the loss of a loved one, the day can trigger feelings of loneliness and longing. Any unresolved feelings of rejection or unworthiness may resurface during this time, making your internal struggles feel more overwhelming and impacting your mental health. It’s important to acknowledge these triggers and give yourself permission to address and process these emotions in a healthy manner to promote emotional healing and wellness.
Everyone experiences Valentine’s Day differently
On Valentine’s Day, the image that’s projected across our televisions and social media is that of happy couples exchanging flowers and gifts. But the real, lived experiences of individual people is so much more complex than that. Depending on someone’s situation, this day can evoke a difficult range of emotions. Let’s take a look at what some of those might be.
Singles
Our society’s emphasis on romantic relationships can sometimes create feelings of self-down in single individuals. Some people face persistent ideas that they aren’t “good enough” because they don’t have a partner. Our society stigmatizes singledom, and many single people feel constant pressure to prove that they’re valuable without a partner by their side, which can be an even more difficult task around Valentine’s Day.
Brokenhearted individuals
If you are experiencing heartbreak after a recent breakup, Valentine’s Day can feel especially hard. The constant reminders of love and relationships during this time can make the pain of the breakup feel even worse—this can be especially difficult if you felt as though you were making progress and getting over your heartbreak. It’s as if the day magnifies all the memories and emotions tied to the ended relationship, causing a flood of thoughts about the ex-partner and what could have been.
People going through grief and loss
For people who are grieving the loss of a loved one, Valentine’s Day can be a particularly tough time. The noticeable absence of that person during a time filled with emotions and sentiments can trigger feelings of loneliness and a deep yearning to have them back. It’s like a stark reminder of their absence, making the pain of their loss feel even more intense.
Activities that can provide a healthy distraction, such as exercising or volunteering, can help those dealing with heartbreak or grief.
- Tahara DeBarrows, LMFT
Recently divorced
If you’ve gone through a divorce, the holiday may trigger a resurgence of painful feelings like guilt, shame, or self-blame, reminding you of the relationship that didn’t work out. The day can highlight what was lost, potentially intensifying the emotional weight of the divorce and reopening old wounds.
People in non-traditional relationships
If you’re in a queer, nonbinary, nonmonogamous, or polyamorous relationship, you might feel excluded or under-represented on Valentine’s Day. The pervasive messaging and imagery surrounding the day often center around heterosexual relationships and monogamous partnerships, which can make those in non-traditional relationships feel like their experiences are not acknowledged or celebrated. This lack of representation can lead to feelings of marginalization and a sense of being overlooked during a time that’s meant to celebrate love and connection.
People in unstable relationships
When it comes to relationships that may be on the verge of ending, the expectations and pressure of Valentine’s Day can escalate the emotional strain and stress for both partners. The pressure to meet societal expectations and express affection on this day can add an extra layer of stress to a relationship that is already fragile.
The role of social media in contributing to negative feelings on Valentine’s Day
While social media can be a tool for connection when used intentionally, recent research shows that it can also intensify feelings of loneliness. On holidays, these platforms are flooded with curated content from brands and influencers, as well as friends and family. On Valentine’s Day, consuming a constant stream of romantic gestures, elaborate celebrations, and affectionate declarations can make you feel lonlier than you would have otherwise. Tahara DeBarrows, LMFT, a Grow Therapy Provider, explains that “Social media posts showcasing seemingly perfect relationships can cause unrealistic comparisons which can amplify feelings of loneliness.”
What’s important to remember is that what is seen on social media is essentially a snapshot of a carefully selected moment in time—it does not accurately reflect the complexities and realities of anyone’s entire life. The culture of comparison that permeates social media can lead to distorted thinking and unrealistic expectations, causing you to measure your own worth and happiness against the perceived idealized images portrayed by others. This can further amplify feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, and discontentment, especially on a day like Valentine’s Day where societal norms around love and relationships are magnified.
How to deal with difficult emotions around Valentine’s Day
Self-compassion and self-care
When dealing with Valentine’s Day stress, practicing self-compassion and self-care can make a significant difference. Remind yourself that what you’re feeling is valid, while also trying to avoid rumination or dwelling. Activities that bring you into the present can help you avoid negative thought spirals. Try journaling, meditating, or spending time on hobbies that bring you joy and relaxation. Remember to treat yourself with kindness and understanding, avoiding self-criticism that can worsen feelings of loneliness or inadequacy.
Reframing the meaning of Valentine’s Day
You’ve heard of “Galentine’s Day,” right? This is a great example of reframing the meaning of Valentine’s Day to shift the focus from romantic love to friendship—you can also shift the meaning to self-love, community, or gratitude. Celebrate the day by engaging in activities that promote self-care and well-being, such as practicing gratitude, volunteering, or spending quality time with friends and family. DeBarrows says that “reframing the holiday as an opportunity for self-love, personal growth, or celebrating all forms of meaningful relationships can shift its emotional impact.”
How to celebrate Valentine’s Day alone
Spending Valentine’s Day alone can be a great opportunity to focus on yourself. Not just personal growth and empowerment, but simply by doing the things that you want to do. Plan a date with yourself that includes your favorite restaurant or meal, your favorite movie or show, and the activities and timing that you love the most. Remember, Valentine’s Day is a celebration of love, and that includes self love.
Setting healthy boundaries with social media
To maintain a healthy mindset, consider setting boundaries with social media. Limit exposure to platforms that trigger negative feelings and comparison. You could even remove social media apps from your phone on Valentine’s Day and the days leading up to it—think of it as a “digital detox” in the name of self care. If removing apps feels like too much, you can curate your online environment by following accounts that promote positivity, inspiration, and self-acceptance.
Ask for support
Don’t hesitate to seek support from a trusted friend, family member, or supportive communities during this time. Talking to others can offer comfort and perspective. If feelings of loneliness or stress become overwhelming, consider reaching out to a mental health professional for guidance and support. Remember, it’s okay to ask for help when you need it.
A therapist can help you cope with feelings around Valentine’s Day
Grief counseling and emotional support
Therapy can provide valuable support for addressing feelings of loss and learning to cope with triggers associated with loneliness, especially on days like Valentine’s Day. Grief counseling offers a safe space to process these emotions and work through the challenges of navigating significant life changes, providing essential emotional support.
Self-esteem building
Therapy can also offer exercises and strategies to improve self-worth and resilience against societal pressures, allowing you to cultivate a stronger sense of self and confidence in your own value. Building self-esteem is crucial in combating feelings of inadequacy triggered by societal norms and expectations.
Relationship counseling
If you’re processing past relationship trauma or navigating difficult life changes such as divorce, relationship counseling can provide essential support. Therapy can help you navigate complex emotions, process past experiences, and develop healthier perspectives on relationships, ultimately fostering healing and growth.
Just as you might consult a doctor for physical health concerns, reaching out to a therapist for emotional well-being is a proactive step toward self-care.
Remember to take care of yourself
As Valentine’s Day approaches, it’s essential to acknowledge that it’s normal to experience complex feelings during this time, especially if your love life is not where you want it to be. However, it’s equally important to recognize that there are healthy and constructive ways to navigate these emotional challenges. Whether you’re celebrating love with a partner or navigating feelings of loneliness, remember that your emotional journey is valid. There are tools, coping strategies, and professional support available to foster well-being, regardless of relationship status. By prioritizing self-care, seeking support, and reframing perspectives, you can empower yourself to navigate Valentine’s Day and beyond with resilience and positivity.