What was once just an afterthought, couples counseling is being utilized more often to work through relationship issues. Studies have shown that 70% of therapists treat couples and that couples therapy has been predicted to be an area of massive growth in the upcoming years.
Experts hypothesize that the top reasons for more couples headed toward couples therapy are the high divorce rate in the United States, the effects of relational concerns on the mental stability of partners and children, and simply the general desire for improved relationships. In this article, we’ll cover what you should do to best prepare if you’re considering couples therapy.
Key takeaways
- Preparing for couples counseling involves setting clear goals and aligning expectations with your partner before starting
- Open communication about concerns and desired outcomes helps make therapy more effective from the beginning
- Understanding different therapy formats and approaches can help you choose what fits your relationship best
- Managing emotions and staying open-minded supports productive and honest conversations during sessions
- Practical steps like scheduling, budgeting, and therapist selection improve consistency and long-term success
Getting ready for your first session
With the growing concern for mental health conditions in the United States, relationship troubles account for many of those concerns. Statistically, the divorce rate in America still sits at around 50%.
Sadly, relationship troubles, stress, and divorce result in multiple negative outcomes for the individuals in the relationship and any children involved. The severity of those adverse outcomes will mostly depend on the relationship’s longevity, current issues at hand, the age of the individuals (as well as their life stage), and other factors.
Couples therapy can be sought as a preventative measure to seek outside help for difficult issues within a relationship. Sometimes couples enter the therapy process together to prevent issues from forming; others use it as a tool to deter from heading down the divorce road. Perhaps there are issues that couples know they want to move forward with addressing, but they simply don’t know how; this is where couples counselors can help.
Why couples therapy?
You may find that you and your spouse always argue yet can’t find solutions. Sometimes, it may feel like you are having two separate conversations and can’t connect. When you’re in a relationship, you are bound to change and grow independently and together; it just may not always sync well together, causing distress.
According to Kristian Wilson, a licensed mental health counselor with Grow Therapy, “Counseling is a wise decision if you find yourself or your partner are experiencing any of the following:
- Frequent fighting or criticizing each other
- Feeling like you aren’t heard often
- Feel as if you have to walk on eggshells
- Trust is difficult
- Expressing your emotional needs is difficult
- You feel emotionally disconnected from your partner
- You and your partner are considering separating.”
Once you’ve decided to look into couples therapists, it can be normal to experience anxiety and uncertainty while waiting for the appointment.
Did you know?
Research published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy found that couples wait an average of nearly three years after serious problems begin before entering therapy — and that earlier intervention is consistently associated with better outcomes. The sooner couples seek support, the less entrenched the patterns tend to be.
How to have an open mind and positive attitude
Couples who begin the transition into couples therapy often firmly believe that their other half is responsible for the relationship issues. This thinking doesn’t promote a healthy, open-minded approach and may further strain the relationship. One of the primary goals in couples therapy is to help each partner see a birds-eye view of the relationship as a whole — to see the bigger picture. Each individual plays a role in the concerns and issues within the relationship; the key is to help them identify their roles and adopt strategies to help themselves and each other.
An extremely common issue in relationships is poor communication skills. Both parties in the relationship should determine their individual and collective goals as a team. They should allow themselves to go into it with an open mind, realizing that each person plays a part in the issues and remembering the goals. Walking into couples therapy with a positive attitude is another way to set you and your partner up for success.
It can also be very helpful, and is very common, to have each person in the relationship engage in individual therapy outside out couples therapy.
Prepare to discuss relationship issues in therapy
Whether you have already booked an appointment or are still searching for the right therapist, seek a trustworthy counselor specializing in couples. There are varying degrees of credentials, experience levels, and specializations regarding therapy and counseling.
However, to get the most out of your experience, finding someone with experience not only with couples but also in some areas you and your partner are struggling in can be the best approach.
Set goals and develop a treatment plan
As you prepare for your couples therapy session, each partner should list the issues within your relationship. This list should include how each person feels they may contribute to said issues.
According to Wilson, the first day of couples therapy is when the therapist asks questions, gets to know the couple, understands their goals and priorities, and devises a plan. Wilson also shares tips for couples seeking therapy:
- Go in with an open mind
- Don’t assume you have to be at rock bottom for therapy
- Each party should discuss their goals with the other
- Understand that couples therapy is NOT about changing your partner
- Commit to the goals, which could take three to six months
- Prioritize appointments
Complete questionnaires and assessments
Like many healthcare services, there will likely be new client paperwork and assessments for you and your partner to complete before your appointment. These forms will likely be consent forms and HIPAA forms, and there may be questionnaires asking about medical history, medications, previous counseling experiences, and questions about why you are seeking help.
Not completing these forms as requested may interfere with your initial intake appointment, or the specialist may not see you; note that each establishment may have their own requirements.
Dealing with sensitive issues in couples counseling
Domestic violence
Domestic violence is a public health issue and involves physical abuse, intimidation, sexual assault, battery, and any other type of abusive behavior that is committed by a person attempting to exert power or control over another person. These abusive behaviors can appear at any time and in any relationship.
It is important to note here that couples counseling for a couple that has had a history of domestic violence and abuse within that relationship is NOT recommended.
Infidelity
Unfortunately, infidelity is a sensitive subject that is a common occurrence in relationships. Anytime infidelity occurs, the relationship foundation becomes broken. The partner who cheated may feel remorse and intend to change. However, the act breaks the established trust. This makes it difficult for the other partner to forgive and move forward. Still, some couples can seek couples therapy and have success working through their differences and moving forward.
Substance abuse
Substance abuse is another common issue in relationships with varying degrees of complexity. While some may feel that substance abuse is an individual problem, it impacts partners, children, and other loved ones of the person dealing with substance use. This may be another area where individual and couples therapy may be equally beneficial.
Past sexual (or other) trauma
According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), more than 50% of women have been victimized by sexual assault at some point in their lifetime (in addition to one out of three men). Sexual trauma can impact anyone at any time and carry many complications. Whether someone has experienced sexual trauma as a child or an adult, it can impact interpersonal and romantic relationships.
Sexual trauma survivors may experience mental health conditions such as anxiety, depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), as well as a fear of intimacy. All these affect the individual, their loved ones, children, etc.
Individual therapy would greatly benefit anyone who has experienced any form of trauma in their life. Some things happen to people that we can simply not process without help. Couples therapy may be helpful for those experiencing relationship distress due to these past traumas; however, individual therapy may be the best place to start the healing process.
What if one of us is more hesitant about couples counseling than the other?
This is very common, and it doesn’t necessarily mean therapy won’t work. A skilled couples therapist is experienced in working with partners who arrive with different levels of motivation or readiness. In many cases, the more hesitant partner becomes more engaged once they feel safe and heard in the room. If your partner is reluctant but willing to try, that’s enough to start. If they’re unwilling to attend at all, individual therapy can still be valuable — a therapist can help you understand relationship dynamics, communicate more effectively, and make clearer decisions about the path forward.
What to do after couples counseling
Wilson states couples should “allow reflection time after a session.” Counseling can be triggering, complex, and painful. Each person should participate in activities and self-care that make them feel happy and relaxed before and after. This can ease the tension that could be felt during sessions.
Final thoughts
Preparing for couples counseling is less about having the right answers and more about showing up with a genuine willingness to try. The fact that you and your partner are considering it — or have already booked — is itself a meaningful step.
Go in knowing that progress won’t always feel comfortable. Sessions can stir up things that have been sitting unaddressed for a long time, and that’s part of the process. What makes the difference is the commitment to keep showing up, apply what you’re learning between sessions, and give each other room to change.
If you’re still looking for the right therapist, finding someone who specializes in couples work and feels like a good fit for both of you is worth taking a little time over. The therapeutic relationship matters — and it’s okay to try more than one before settling in.
