Deciding whether to suggest professional help in the form of therapy to a partner or loved one can be terrifying. It is a conversation full of nuances, requiring genuine empathy, careful timing, and clear communication. Many of us wonder, “Is it wrong to ask your partner to go to therapy?” and there isn’t just one straightforward answer. We aim to guide you through this sensitive process, helping you understand when and how to approach this topic thoughtfully. We’ll explore the delicate balance between supporting your partner’s mental well-being and respecting their boundaries, providing practical advice for initiating this pivotal discussion to seek help from a mental health professional in a way that strengthens, rather than strains, the bonds and helps support a healthy relationship.
How to Bring Up Therapy Without the Tension
When discussing therapy with your partner, the approach is as crucial as the message. The ideal time to start this discussion is when you both feel at ease and tensions are low. Perhaps after a shared activity, or during a quiet evening at home, when you feel connected and calm. These moments offer a safe space for open, honest communication. You don’t want to suggest someone else needs therapy in the throws of conflict.
Begin the conversation by expressing your observations and concerns gently and without judgment. For instance, saying something like, “I’ve noticed you haven’t been yourself lately, and it worries me to see you this way,” can open the dialogue in a supportive way. This non-confrontational approach shows that your concern comes from a place of love and care.
Sharing your experiences with therapy or positive anecdotes from others can help demystify therapy and present it as a constructive and routine part of self-care. If you have ever personally benefited from therapy, share how it helped you overcome challenges or brought about positive changes. If you haven’t experienced therapy for yourself, you could mention the experience of someone you know or general information about the benefits to help your partner feel like attending therapy sessions is a completely normal part of life.
Emphasize that your suggestion of therapy is rooted in your support for their well-being and happiness. It’s important to convey that therapy is not about ‘fixing’ them, but about providing a space for growth and healing. Offer to help them in the process, whether that’s by finding a good therapist, discussing budget considerations, or simply being there to talk about their feelings and concerns.
Avoid any language that could be interpreted as blaming or shaming. Phrases that might make them feel like there’s something ‘wrong’ with them can lead to defensiveness. Instead, focus on ‘I’ statements that reflect your feelings and concerns, which helps in maintaining a supportive tone.
Courtney Sonntag, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) with Grow Therapy, suggests addressing the discomfort of bringing up therapy head-on. She says, “Ask your partner if there’s anything they would like to have in their therapy, such as what they’re looking for in a therapist or any qualifications that are important to them. This process may be uncomfortable and we want to make this as uncomfortably comfortable as possible.”
Finally, be prepared to listen. Your partner’s response to the suggestion of therapy is important. They may need time to process the idea, or they may have reservations. Listen to their concerns, answer their questions, and respect their decision-making process. Remember, the ultimate goal is not to coerce them into therapy but to open a pathway for honest communication and mutual support in the journey toward well-being.
Through this empathetic and thoughtful approach, the discussion about therapy can be a meaningful step in strengthening your relationship, demonstrating care, addressing mental illness, and fostering a supportive environment for growth and healing.
Could Couples Counseling Be A Solution?
Once you’ve brought up therapy with your partner, there is a chance that they could identify your relationship as a source of stress or unease. If this is the case, opening a conversation about couples counseling could take the focus off your partner redirect your attention to strengthening your bond, and address any relationship issues.
Suggesting couples counseling can be a thoughtful way to address issues within a relationship while showing solidarity and commitment to working together. When proposing this idea, it’s crucial to approach the conversation with care and positivity, emphasizing the benefits of counseling for both partners and the relationship as a whole.
Begin by expressing your love and commitment to the relationship and your desire to see it grow stronger. Frame couples counseling not as a last resort for problems, but as a proactive step towards deepening your connection and understanding each other better. It’s important to convey that counseling is a space for both of you to express yourselves and work collaboratively on improving your relationship.
When suggesting couples therapy, avoid blaming or pointing fingers. Instead, focus on ‘we’ statements, such as, “I think we could benefit from learning new ways to communicate,” or “I feel we can strengthen our relationship by understanding each other’s perspectives better.” This inclusive language reinforces the idea that counseling is a joint effort and a mutual journey where you will also be addressing your own needs and your mental health when it comes to your relationship.
Acknowledge any concerns your partner might have about therapy. They might worry about stigma, feel apprehensive about discussing private matters, or doubt the effectiveness of therapy. Listen to their concerns, provide reassurance, and discuss how a therapist can offer a neutral, supportive environment for both of you to grow.
Researching and suggesting potential therapists together can be part of this process. Look for a trained professional who specializes in couples counseling and discuss what you both would like to achieve from the sessions. This can be an empowering step, giving both of you a sense of control and involvement in improving your relationship.
Patience is key here. Sonntag suggests, “Sometimes it takes time for both in the relationship to feel ready to start this process. Whether you talk to your partner and get an immediate ‘yes’ or it takes time for comfort to develop about going to therapy, there’s no right or wrong to it.”
Suggesting couples counseling is about showing that you value your relationship and are willing to invest in its health and longevity. It’s a significant step that, when approached with understanding, respect, and a collaborative spirit, can lead to profound growth and deeper connection in your partnership. Nervous about starting couples counseling? Here are some ideas for how to prepare for your first session.
What if They Say No?
If your partner is averse to the idea of therapy, it’s important to navigate this response with understanding and patience. Their reluctance could stem from various reasons, such as stigma, fear, or a lack of understanding about therapy. In such situations, the first step is to acknowledge and respect their feelings. It’s essential to avoid pushing them or making them feel pressured, as this could lead to further resistance or strain in the relationship.
Instead, focus on maintaining open lines of communication. You can gently explore their apprehensions about therapy, seeking to understand their perspective. Sometimes, simply talking about their concerns and providing reassurance can help alleviate fears or misconceptions. It’s also helpful to let them know that their well-being matters to you, and your suggestion for therapy comes from a place of love and support, not judgment.
In the meantime, there are alternative ways to support your partner’s mental health. Encourage activities that promote well-being, such as exercise, spending time in nature, or engaging in hobbies. You can also suggest other resources like self-help books, podcasts, or online therapy platforms, which might be less intimidating than in-person therapy.
If the issues affecting your partner also impact your relationship, consider suggesting couples therapy as a way to work on these challenges together. This can sometimes be a more approachable option, as it emphasizes mutual growth and understanding.
Remember, deciding to seek therapy is personal and requires readiness and willingness. Being patient, understanding, and supportive are the keys to keeping the door open for future conversations about therapy as an option.
