Gottman Method

The Gottman Method is a research-based approach to couples therapy. It’s designed to help partners build stronger relationships through improved communication, conflict resolution, and emotional connection. The Gottman Method has been used for decades to support couples in navigating challenges like recurring arguments, emotional disconnection, and trust issues.

What are the origins of the Gottman Method?

The Gottman Method was developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, leading researchers in the field of relationships and marriage. John Gottman began studying couples in the 1970s at the University of Washington, where he established the “Love Lab” to observe and measure how couples interact.

Their work, grounded in over five decades of longitudinal research, led to the creation of the Gottman Method. This is a therapeutic approach based on the patterns they identified in both successful and struggling relationships.

The Gottman Method incorporates principles from psychology, communication theory, and behavioral science and is supported by the Gottman Institute, which the couple co-founded.

When is the Gottman Method used?

The Gottman Method is primarily used in couples therapy and marriage counseling. It’s well-suited for partners experiencing frequent arguments, emotional distance, communication breakdowns, or recovering from infidelity. This approach is inclusive and can support all types of romantic partnerships, including LGBTQ+ couples.

Common conditions or concerns addressed with the Gottman Method include:

• Relationship distress
• Communication issues
• Intimacy challenges
• Trust or betrayal trauma
• Conflict resolution

The method is also used by couples therapists to strengthen already healthy relationships. For related topics, see Grow’s articles on what to know about couples therapy and common relationship issues.

How does the Gottman Method work?

The Gottman Method works by helping couples replace negative relationship patterns with healthy, productive ones. It uses a framework called the Sound Relationship House, which includes principles like building love maps, sharing fondness and admiration, and turning toward each other instead of away.

The Gottman Method encourages couples to practice healthy behaviors, such as accepting “bids” for connection. This is an example of “turning toward” instead of “turning away.” If, for instance, a partner attempts a small connection—such as saying “Look at that bird,” — actively acknowledging, responding to, and showing interest in this “bid” is a way to turn toward, instead of away, one’s partner.

The “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” 

One of the Gottmans’ most well-known findings is a set of key behaviors that strongly predict divorce. These are often referred to as the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse,” and are:

• Criticism
• Contempt
• Defensiveness
• Stonewalling

The Gottmans found that, among these, contempt — the expression of superiority, sarcasm, or disrespect — is the most potent predictor of relationship breakdown. These patterns of negative communication erode trust and intimacy over time, making it extremely hard for couples to resolve conflict constructively.

By teaching skills for empathy, compromise, and shared meaning, the method creates space for more positive interactions and deeper emotional connection. 

What is the Gottman Method like?

Gottman Method couples therapy typically starts with a joint session and individual assessments, including questionnaires and interviews. These initial steps help the therapist understand the couple’s relationship dynamics.

In ongoing therapy sessions, couples participate in guided conversations and role-plays, often using tools like emotion-focused exercises or conflict resolution frameworks. Gottman therapists may encourage partners to explore each other’s inner world, build rituals of connection, create shared meaning, and develop shared goals.

Sessions are collaborative and focus on real-time problem-solving and communication practice. The therapy often includes homework, such as practicing new skills or reading Gottman-recommended materials like The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.

How long does the Gottman Method take?

Therapy duration varies depending on the couple’s goals and challenges. On average, couples may attend weekly sessions lasting 50 to 90 minutes. Some see progress in as few as eight to 12 sessions, while others may engage in therapy for several months.

The approach of the Gottman Method is flexible. Some couples attend short-term therapy during a rough patch, while others use it as a long-term resource to maintain relationship health. It’s helpful for developing a long-term positive perspective toward your partner in your relationship. It can also be adapted into intensive formats, such as multi-day retreats or workshops like the Gottman Institute’s The Art and Science of Love.

Is the Gottman Method effective?

The Gottman Method is considered highly effective, with decades of research, including peer-reviewed research, to support its use. Studies show that couples who participate in Gottman-based therapy report improved communication, increased satisfaction, and a reduction in conflict behaviors.

The method’s emphasis on both friendship and conflict management makes it adaptable for many relationship types and life stages. These are essential components of healthy relationships of all types and orientations.

Because it’s grounded in research and clinical evidence, the Gottman Method is widely used by therapists across the U.S. and internationally.

How to find a Gottman Method therapist

If you think the Gottman Method might be right for you, it’s important to speak with a licensed and experienced clinician. Many types of licensed mental health professionals are trained in the Gottman Method, including licensed marriage and family counselors (LMFTs), licensed clinical social workers (LCSWs), psychologists, psychiatrists, psychiatric nurses, licensed professional counselors (LPCs), licensed mental health counselors (LMHCs), and more.

On top of finding a therapist who is skilled in the Gottman Method, you want to make sure they meet your other needs. For example, if you struggle with an anxiety disorder, you’ll want to find a Gottman Method therapist who also specializes in treating anxiety.

In addition, finding a therapist who accepts your insurance can make therapy much more affordable. You can find a therapist who accepts your insurance and specializes in the Gottman Method by using Grow Therapy. After filtering for your location, insurance, and needs, you can then select “Gottman method” from the “Treatment methods” drop-down.