Therapy FAQ

Can you be friends with your therapist?

While having a healthy relationship with your therapist can be a good thing for your therapeutic journey, a personal relationship outside of therapy can be harmful. Read on to learn about setting healthy boundaries when building a relationship with your therapist.

By Alan Deibel, LCPC
A blonde woman with a bob wearing a black blazer holds the hand of a woman sitting across from her in an attempt to comfort her as she cries.

Updated on Nov 05, 2024

Imagine this: You’ve recently started therapy to explore your thoughts and feelings. As you talk to your therapist, you feel a growing connection. You enjoy the conversations and think about connecting with your therapist on social media or asking them to coffee. You might be wondering: “Can I be friends with my therapist?”

While it’s normal to feel close to your therapist, this bond is different from a friendship. Understanding and respecting healthy boundaries in therapy can help you focus on your goals and improve your overall well-being. The American Psychological Association emphasizes the importance of keeping the therapist-client relationship professional. This helps therapists remain objective and focused on your well-being.

Key takeaways:

  • While the therapist-client relationship is built on empathy and trust, your therapist should never rely on you for their own emotional support.

  • A therapist should be able to help you solve your problems without becoming your friend.

  • A mental healthcare provider is supposed to let their personal feelings influence their reactions or the things they say during a session.

  • All therapists must abide by codes of conduct that prohibit them from forming personal relationships with their clients.

  • Even after ending your therapeutic relationship, it is not recommended that you start a friendship with your therapist.

Understanding the therapist-client relationship

A therapist-client relationship is built on empathy, trust, and being genuine. This can help you get the most out of psychotherapy. It lets you:

But how is this different from a friendship? Friendships are two-way relationships that include talking, sharing, and helping each other. But in therapy, it’s all about you.

Mental healthcare providers care about you while maintaining a neutral, third-party view about your life. They listen to what you have to say calmly and objectively — they don’t let their personal feelings influence their reactions or the things they say to you. Similarly, unlike a friendship, a therapist should never rely on their clients for their own emotional support, and any self-disclosure about the therapist’s life is done only to benefit the client.

Phases of the therapeutic relationship

Unlike a friendship, therapeutic relationships have stages that therapists are monitoring throughout your treatment. The therapeutic alliance is based on trust and understanding, with the aim of helping you achieve your mental health goals. As the partnership evolves, the stages might look something like this:

While we don’t know when or if our friendships will end, therapeutic relationships are meant to end. Despite these often being supportive and caring relationships, the goal is for clients to stop seeing therapists once their mental health improves.

Why boundaries matter in therapy

Therapy boundaries ensure a professional relationship between you and your therapist. They start in your first session and continue throughout therapy. Good therapists establish healthy boundaries that help you:

Well-defined, professional boundaries prevent unethical relationships from forming. This includes dual relationships, like a client dating their therapist. It also includes conflicts of interest, where a therapist might have too close a personal connection to their client.

The role of therapists in strengthening therapeutic relationships

In a friendship, both parties are expected to do their part to maintain the relationship. A therapeutic relationship is different — with the client’s participation, the therapist is responsible for keeping the relationship in good shape. Understanding the role of the therapist in this way can help you set realistic expectations.

Some of the ways psychotherapists establish and maintain therapeutic relationships with their clients include the following:

While many of these actions are familiar to the way friends might treat each other, your therapist’s objective is make sure you feel safe being open and vulnerable so you can succeed in treatment.

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Exploring expectations in therapy

Knowing what to expect from a therapy session can help you and your therapist have a good relationship. Remember that your therapy sessions are meant to help you grow and make progress in your mental health. Together you will create treatment goals so you’re on the same page about what you’re working on in treatment. These goals may be influenced by budget and time constraints — so it helps to have a clear discussion about these factors both at the onset of treatment and when evaluating progress throughout.

Remember that therapy can often be challenging, and often brings up uncomfortable memories, thoughts, and emotions. A friend might or loved one may want to help you, but usually lacks the education and skill to help you navigate these things; a therapist on the other hand, is trained to do just that. If therapy ends up being different from what you expected, discuss your concerns or disappointments with your therapist.

Celebrate your progress, no matter how small. Remember that the journey is just as important as the goal. Try to believe that whatever comes up in treatment is worth exploring.

Power dynamics in therapy

Therapists hold a position of power in the relationship because they’re viewed as experts or professionals, and guide clients through vulnerable issues. In a personal relationship, this would be hard to navigate, which is another reason the therapist-client relationship much remain professional.

Even after therapy ends, this power differential can affect any potential friendship. Both therapists and clients must maintain healthy boundaries to protect their well-being.

Understanding transference and countertransference

Transference is a normal part of the therapeutic relationship and occurs when you project feelings about someone in your life onto your therapist. For example, if you’re a survivor of childhood neglect, such as not getting sufficient care or attention from a parent, you might start experiencing your therapist as a parental figure once you start receiving the care and support you always deserved.

Sexual or romantic feelings can also be a part of transference. However, they can never be acted upon. When clients have these strong feelings about their therapist, it can be helpful to talk about them. Therapists are trained to know this is a normal part of therapy and to guide the conversation to make sure no boundaries are crossed and that the relationship stays professional.

Countertransference happens when a therapist’s feelings affect their view of a client. For example,  therapist may experience feeling too close to their client’s emotions. This is also a normal part of the therapy process and requires therapists to receive their own care or consultation around their feelings and personal issues in order to maintain objectivity.

What happens if a client and therapist do become friends?

All therapist professional bodies have codes of conduct that prohibit counselors from having personal relationships with their clients, either in-person or online.

Ethical considerations

Therapists follow a code of ethics that say they can’t:

Wanda Williams, a licensed clinical therapist at Grow Therapy explains, “A therapist may face disciplinary actions from their governing bodies or even have their licenses terminated if they become friends with their clients.” explains, “A therapist may face disciplinary actions from their governing bodies or even have their licenses terminated if they become friends with their clients.”

Avoiding conflicts of interest

Therapists avoid situations that could make it harder for them to do their job well. This includes:

If conflicts can’t be avoided, therapists should seek help from other professionals. The goal is to limit any harm to their clients. The National Association of Social Workers advises practitioners to inform clients of any potential conflicts of interest and resolve them while protecting the client’s interests.

Can you be friends with your former therapist?

Even after ending therapy, it’s usually not a good idea to be friends with your former therapist. The power differential from therapy can make it hard to have a balanced friendship. Your former therapist knows much about you, but you don’t know much about them. This can make having a fair and equal friendship between a former client and therapist difficult.

Some therapists might be open to casual contact, such as saying hello if you run into each other. But most prefer to keep strong boundaries even after therapy ends. This protects you and the therapist and respects the important work you did together in psychotherapy.

You may wonder about staying in touch with your therapist on social media or want to catch up after ending therapy. In most cases keeping the relationship professional is in everyone’s best interest. In some states, connecting with a client on social media is considered a “dual relationship” and an ethical violation — even after therapy has ended.

Finding the right therapist for your well-being

While you might feel close to your therapist, remember that the relationship is different from a friendship. A good therapist builds rapport but keeps clear boundaries. This helps you get the most out of therapy and maintain your mental health and well-being.

If you’re looking for a therapist, Grow Therapy can help. We have many skilled mental health professionals. They know how to build solid and professional relationships while maintaining healthy boundaries. Use our search tool to find a therapist who:

Remember, a good therapist will help you solve your problems without becoming your friend. They’ll support you and teach you how to have healthy relationships with other people.

Frequently Asked Questions

  • Grow Therapy connects clients, therapists, and insurance companies to make mental healthcare simple to access.

  • We make it easy to find a therapist who looks like you and can support your needs. The right therapist is one who ensures you feel safe and comfortable. If you need help choosing, read these tips or contact our matching team by phone at 786-244-7711. More contact options are available here.

  • We conduct an intensive interview process to ensure our therapists have the skills, training, and experience to help you grow.

  • People who use their insurance save an average of 73% on the cost of therapy. Sessions cost an average of $22 with insurance, but will vary depending on your plan. Get a cost estimate, learn more about how to check your coverage, or contact your insurance company for more details.

About the author
Alan Deibel, LCPC

Alan Deibel is a licensed clinical professional counselor with over 12 years of experience who specializes in ADHD, addiction, anxiety, trauma, and PTSD.

This article is not meant to be a replacement for medical advice. We recommend speaking with a therapist for personalized information about your mental health. If you don’t currently have a therapist, we can connect you with one who can offer support and address any questions or concerns. If you or your child is experiencing a medical emergency, is considering harming themselves or others, or is otherwise in imminent danger, you should dial 9-1-1 and/or go to the nearest emergency room.