You have control over very few things in life — you can’t make other people act the way you want or free your life’s path of potholes, wrong turns, and unexpected trouble. So what can you control? Your thinking and behavior. Mental health care can help you heal from your past and develop healthy mental practices going forward so you can develop resilience and grit and find joy and long-term peace.
While it’s an important tool, therapy isn’t a magic elixir. So how do you get the most out of your therapy journey? Explore these 10 tips from Grow Therapy mental health professionals to help you see positive changes and real progress.
1. Investigate Misconceptions or Stereotypes
You might be holding on to some misconceptions from the media, your family or cultural background, or anecdotes from others about their own therapy experiences if you’re exploring therapy for the first time. Eshan Sun, MFT, explains that people “might be drawing conclusions based on what other people say, not on their knowledge.” So what now? Get informed! “Learn about all types of therapy,” says licensed mental health counselor Rachael “Rainier” Wells, LMHC. “Get multiple perspectives, spend time with therapists on social media, and ultimately know that you can choose exactly the type of clinician you desire.”
2. Research
Before you schedule any appointments, spend time searching for the right therapist for you. Start by defining your goals for therapy or specific issues you want to address and look for a licensed therapist with specific training to help you achieve those goals. For example, some therapists have special training to help people with ADHD, substance abuse, relationships, careers, anxiety, depression, or trauma.
Get multiple perspectives, spend time with therapists on social media, and ultimately know that you can choose exactly the type of clinician you desire.
- Rachael Wells, LMHC
Research therapists’ backgrounds and specialties to create a short list of people you’d like to contact. Some therapists offer a free phone consultation. Wells suggests a few questions you might ask a prospective therapist:
- What background or approach do you use and what are the main ways I will see that show up in therapy?
- Do you assign work between sessions?
- How do you handle miscommunications in therapy?
- Are you structured, semi-structured, or unstructured?
- How do you develop or modify things for (insert community here, i.e., neurodivergent folk, etc.)?
- What happens if we disagree?
Asking detailed questions will help you start getting a sense of what therapy might look like with that provider. However, Eshan Sun, a marriage and family therapist with Grow Therapy, recommends going to a therapist for at least three sessions to help determine if it’s a good fit. He suggests asking yourself a few questions to help you evaluate whether a therapist is right for you: “Are they on time? Are they teaching you things that are helping you handle your daily life better? Are they helping you understand yourself better? Do they challenge you to do better for yourself?” He explains that you need to “find someone who can help you, which is not the same as someone who agrees with you.”
3. Handle Nuts-and-Bolts Items First
Before your first session, square away business items such as paperwork, billing, payments, and scheduling and cancellation policies. Ask how long each session is and how the time will be managed so you can focus on getting the help you need. Does your therapist offer online therapy? Can you do a combination of face-to-face and online therapy?
4. Set Clear Goals
During your first therapy session, talk with your provider about specific goals you want to achieve through individual therapy. If you were living your best life, what would it look like? These goals aren’t cemented for life; therapy goals can be fluid and change as you experience positive changes and real progress. It’s helpful to have a vision and a checkpoint to help you stay focused and motivate you when you’re having a hard time or feeling discouraged in the first place.
5. Actively Participate
Your therapist is your guide, but it’s up to you to open up about what matters most and get into the difficult aspects of your life. Come to your session prepared with things you want to talk about. There are no stupid questions—ask them all! Be honest if you disagree or don’t understand something and ask for clarification. Taking notes can help you remember the things you discussed and any insights or ideas you had. Some people like to jot down some thoughts after the session or record a voice memo. Recording ideas from your sessions helps solidify concepts in your brain and gives you a resource to reference in the future.
6. Be Consistent
Making changes in your life is a process that takes time and dedication. Think of it like mastering any new skill: you build good habits and strengths with regular practice. Ideally, schedule a session with your therapist once a week. Weekly appointments help you develop a therapeutic relationship and get to the meaty stuff more quickly. One recent study found that for people with depression and anxiety, improvement and recovery were associated with having more frequent sessions in the first three months of treatment.
7. Be Honest
It’s important to see therapy as a collaboration. Be open with your therapist so they can understand how best to help you. Wells says it’s important to “share your likes, dislikes, needs, and wants and clarify as you continue your journey.” For example, if watching the clock during your sessions is stressful and distracts your focus, ask your therapist to keep track of the time and, if helpful, indicate when you’re getting close to the end of the session. Being transparent will support your learning and healing. If you experience people-pleasing, Wells explains, it’s important to share that with your therapist so they can be attuned to that dynamic in your therapeutic relationship. There’s nothing too taboo to talk about in therapy.
If something happens in therapy that bothers you, it’s important to share it with your therapist so they can address it. Having a relationship where you can express frustrations and be heard can be healing.
8. Be Patient
Therapy isn’t like a road trip where you start in one spot and drive forward until you reach your destination. It’s normal to have ups and downs as you uncover problems and work toward solutions. Sun explains, “Therapy can be uncomfortable.” Be patient with yourself as you find your way on your therapy journey. You’ll probably have setbacks or moments when you revert to old habits or thinking patterns. That’s ok. Therapy is a safe space to engage the messy parts of life.
9. Do the Work Between Counseling Sessions
If you played the violin once a week at your lesson, your progress would be much slower than if you worked a little each day. Therapists often give their clients “homework”—thought exercises, journaling prompts, or specific behaviors to try in the coming week. “When you gain a new understanding in therapy,” says Sun, “it’s important to implement it. If you’re not implementing your understanding, your life won’t change for the better.”
Set aside a time each day to check in with yourself and reflect on your discussions in therapy. Make a note of your thoughts, questions, or insights. Spend some time noticing your speed bumps—might be a conversation that went sideways, a habit you’re ashamed of, interactions that bother you, or unhelpful thoughts that keep surfacing. Write them down and bring them with you to therapy. You don’t necessarily have to read what you’ve written, but your reflections will facilitate specific and meaningful conversations in therapy that get to the heart of what’s troubling you.
10. Enjoy the Time and Celebrate Progress, No Matter How Small
We have a few situations in life where we aren’t under someone else’s expectations. We’re expected to perform and behave a certain way at work and school. As parents or caregivers, we carry a lot of responsibility to hold things together and take care of others. Enjoy therapy as a place where you aren’t expected to be or perform any certain way. You can exhale and focus on what you need. This is real self-care.
Over time, notice moments where you think or act differently than you would have before you began therapy. It could be as simple as identifying when an unhelpful thinking pattern pops up. It’s a success. Be proud of yourself for committing to creating lasting changes that will improve your self-perception, relationships, and life.
It’s time to center your mental health, well-being, and personal growth. Get started. Don’t wait until it feels convenient or you don’t have any worries. Let it be imperfect, and have patience with yourself as you begin this brave and healing therapy journey. Grow therapy is here to help you find a good therapist that works with you and your goals.
