For many people, the holiday season is a fun, festive time — but for others, it can be difficult and even painful. Whether it’s problems with family, grief and loss, or maintaining sobriety during an indulgent season, there are so many different things that people struggle with this time of year.
Know that if you’re having a hard time right now, your feelings are valid — and you’re not alone. We’ve put together guides that cover common scenarios you might find yourself experiencing. Click each one to discover therapist-recommended tips for tackling these situations while maintaining mental health. You’ve got this!
For the LGBTQIA+ person whose family doesn’t get it
Unfortunately, our families aren’t always as educated or accepting of queer identities as we need and deserve them to be. It’s difficult to spend time with family members who are judgemental of the LGBTQIA+ community or don’t respect your pronouns, gender expression, or sexual orientation.
In these cases, it’s important to validate your emotions and have self-compassion, because facing adversity from your own family isn’t easy. Journaling, setting up self-care stations in your home for before and after the visit, or keeping a small symbolic sign of self-love and queer pride in your pocket can all help you through difficult interactions. Remember to stay true to who you are and be kind to yourself. You can also lean on your queer chosen family –– those who truly accept you exactly as you are.
Read more tips for LGBTQIA+ people whose families don’t get it.
For the person with different political views than their family
Politics are a topic that often drives a wedge between family members –– especially when conversations about divisive issues like women’s rights, immigration, or LGBTQIA+ rights get heated. Feeling like your loved ones are fighting against you can feel devastating, and you may feel the need to either suppress your own beliefs or expend energy fighting back.
Setting boundaries ahead of time can make a huge difference to ensure that politics don’t dominate the dinner conversation. Let your loved ones know these topics are off-limits for you before the holiday party or dinner. If they aren’t receptive to your boundaries, know where to draw the line. You can always step away if you need to.
Read more tips for people with different political views than their family.
For people who don’t have family to go home to during the holidays
Although society makes the holiday seasons deeply intertwined with family get-togethers, many people don’t spend the holidays with family members –– whether they don’t have anyone to go home to, choose not to go home to avoid unhealthy dynamics, or can’t make it back to their hometown logistically.
The huge emphasis on family time during the holiday season can make you feel lonely and left out if you aren’t spending time with your family. It’s important to acknowledge your feelings and remember that you are not alone. Many other people are in the same shoes as you. Plus, you can create new solo holiday traditions, spend time with your chosen family, or volunteer for a cause you care about.
Read more for tips for people who don’t have family to go home to during the holidays.
For the person dealing with questions that are way too personal
Sometimes, family members don’t understand the concept of personal boundaries. It’s not uncommon for people to ask invasive, personal questions about a person’s body, love life, reproductive choices, and more.
It’s important to have self-compassion during this time. Don’t let invasive questions get you down or pressure you into answering. Even though these people are your family, know that you’re entitled to your privacy. Set firm boundaries, and remember that their questions likely say more about them than they do about you.
Read more tips for dealing with questions that are way too personal during the holidays.
For the person dealing with trauma
Trauma and its aftermath can make the holiday season difficult — especially if there’s an expectation to see family members or other people who bring up traumatic memories. Seeing certain people or being in places where the trauma occurred can open up old wounds and stir up unwanted feelings.
Remember that you have the power to set boundaries and maintain control over your actions. This could look like not spending time alone with certain people, keeping specific topics off limits, or only spending a short amount of time at the holiday party. Listen to your body and practice mindfulness to stay grounded during this difficult time.
Read more tips for dealing with trauma during the holidays.
For the person dealing with depression during the holidays
There’s pressure to put on a happy face during the “most wonderful time of the year.” This can feel especially heavy if you struggle with depression, making acting happy –– or even just okay –– feel exhausting. Not to mention, depression can make you feel isolated, and you might feel like you’re the only one who isn’t having fun this season.
If you’re feeling down, don’t hesitate to reach out to trusted family members or friends. Your loved ones want to help you, so let them know that you’re having a hard time. Make sure you’re kind and gentle with yourself, giving yourself grace and patience while you’re in the depressive episode. Reaching out to a mental health provider may also be a good idea.
Read more tips for dealing with depression during the holidays.
For the person with social anxiety
Holiday parties –– whether with family, friends, or colleagues –– can be challenging if you have social anxiety. There’s pressure to socialize and engage in the holiday cheer, but the fear of awkward interactions or being judged can loom heavy. Your social anxiety may make you want to avoid holiday parties and family gatherings altogether.
Remember that you can use coping skills to manage your anxiety levels. Try having a designated “safe person” at any event you go to –– someone you can tell that you’re struggling and check in with throughout the night. Remember, it’s always okay to step outside or into a restroom and engage in some relaxing deep breathing, too.
Read more tips for dealing with social anxiety during the holidays.
For the person whose family shares different religious views
Since the holidays can be religion-centric for many, it can be awkward if you share different religious views from your family. In this case, holiday festivities might lend themselves to tense family dynamics, awkward conversations, or even fights.
In these cases, it’s important to remember that you can’t change someone else’s views. You are both entitled to your own belief systems. You can also practice assertive communication and set boundaries, letting your family know that you will not entertain any arguments or debates about religion at the family holiday party.
Read more tips for dealing with a family who shares different religious views from you.
For the person who can’t stop comparing their holidays to other people’s
You know what they say –– comparison is the thief of joy. If you engage in lots of comparison around the holidays, you’re setting yourself up for defeat and heightened stress levels. Social media is especially harmful since there’s a constant stream of new content from everyone you know posting pictures of their families, partners, presents, and more.
Try to focus on yourself and your loved ones. Stay present and practice gratitude, focusing on the good you have, rather than what you don’t have. You can also limit your screen time so you don’t get sucked into comparison traps on social media.
Read more tips for dealing with comparison during the holiday season.
For the person dealing with grief
If you’re grieving, the holidays can be particularly hard. Maybe it’s your first Christmas without your loved one, or maybe the holidays bring up memories of those you’ve lost in the past. The pressure to be happy for the holidays conflicts with the complicated emotions surrounding grief.
Give yourself permission to grieve, and remember that you don’t have to be happy right now. Dealing with loss is a lot, and it’s okay to acknowledge that. You can even honor their memory by carrying out old traditions they loved, or creating new ones in their honor.
Read more tips for dealing with grief during the holiday season.
For the sober person in recovery
The holidays are a time for celebration, and for many people, that means there’s alcohol or other substances involved. Holiday parties and get-togethers are commonly fueled by alcohol, which can make things extra difficult if you’re in recovery. Not to mention, heightened stress levels due to the holidays can also trigger cravings for substances.
Make sure you have a solid self-care practice in place to boost your overall wellness and mental health, as well as a relapse prevention plan. It’s also ideal to broaden your sober support network around this time so that you can lean on other sober people who know exactly what you’re going through.
Read more tips for sober people in recovery during the holidays.
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If you’re struggling with your mental health, don’t hesitate to seek help. Therapy can teach you the tools you need to overcome your struggles and become your best self. Grow Therapy can connect you with a therapist, online or in-person, who accepts your insurance and specializes in your needs. Get started with therapy, today.
