Hi, I’m John. I love to work with couples, and will also work with individuals looking to improve their relationships, especially with the hope (but not the requirement) their partner will join us. Does your relationship with your partner seem like a constant challenge to make it work, to see each other as you once did? I can help you understand what is going on between you, to communicate in a way that gives you each a broader, perspective on your relationship so that you can learn to know what each other feels and find a way to work together as a team to make your relationship more fulfilling (and less stressful, to establish a climate of good will in your home and a feeling of acceptance of each other, commitment and excitement to be together.. I have spent much of my life learning about relationships, first that of my parents’ then those of my friends, and, of course (especially), my own, then as a mediator—divorce mediation led me to decide to go back to graduate school to learn ways of helping people stay together instead of breaking up. Since then, working at a couples therapy practice and in a community mental health agency has given me more direct experience helping couples who are struggling in their relationships to find their way back to the way they hoped it could be..
What can clients expect to take away from sessions with you?
My approach assumes that each of you is 50% responsible for the problems in the relationship, but no one is to blame. So we focus on what each of you can actually do to change things, rather than leaving that up to your partner. We focus on how to communicate with each other in ways that will be heard by your partner. Our sessions will allow you to express your feelings honestly and without blame and to listen in the same way in order to build a deeper understanding of yourself and your partner, how you work as a couple, what you each need from the relationship, and how best to make that happen. Things said honestly and sensitively in the session will lead to growth and understanding, transforming "the same old argument" into empathy for each other and a much improved relationship
What treatment methods and tools do you utilize?
We use the following methods to work with couples: The pioneering couples work and research of John Gottman. Sue Johnson’s Emotionally Focused Couples therapy, helps couples move from reacting to each other emotionally to understanding what is actually happening in the moment for both parties to responding with understanding, thoughtfully and effectively. The Pragmatic Experiential Method of Couples Therapy founder Brent Atkinson’s book and exercises, Developing Habits for Relationship Success. The principles of Marshall Rosenberg’s Non-Violent Communication, which by taking conscious and unconscious hostility out of the conversation, forces us to communicate in a way that will actually be heard by our partner.
Explain to clients what areas you feel are your biggest strengths.
I respect your courage to begin work on your relationship and am honored that you will let me be a part of that Each of you needs to feel safe in order to find out about yourself and to share that with your partner.. I work to create a safe space for you. So the standard that we should “judge” behaviors (and words) is: do they promote or damage the relationship? We will not be looking for who is right or who is wrong, we will be looking at actions and words in terms of whether they are good for the relationship or bad for the relationship. My goal is to really see and hear each of you, for you to feel that, and for you, then to see and hear each other, When you both feel heard and understood, things will become clear and safe, and you can create a relationship. that will thrive.